Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I'm still here. Change is good but I am 100% sure I want to make some major changes in my life by my 2019 birthday. Stay tuned.

I think that my theme word for this year is gratitude. I have been so grateful for everything that has been happening in my life. Even when it doesn't seem to be working out in my favor I remain in gratitude. So, of course I have another testimony to share. But first I want to share Romans 12:6-21 which talks about love in action. Now, let's talk about The Magic . I am still making my way through it and today Magic Practice 24 spoke directly to me. It was called The Magic Wand and it talks about helping others through the magic. Well, I was thinking about grateful I am for my blessings and I thought about my former coworker who was having a hard time. I thought about contacting her to see how she was doing when she contacted me to refer her to the same place where I am going to be working. Not the exact same location but the same organization. Turns out she had 3 offers and needed a letter of recommendation. Now, let me tell you, God drew me to her and convinced me to offer h...

When I left my old job a coworker gifted me a women's book of prayer. This morning I turned to page 75 and it was about finding peace and making peace a priority. It starts by saying, "Lord, you are teaching me that finding peace requires me to seek it out -- to look for and pursue peaceful places, peaceful ways, and peaceful relationships. If I make living in peace a priority, I won't miss the chaos, and even when storms come my way I will know where to find rest and calm and quietude of spirit." The interesting thing is that last night I dreamed about the Messy Bessy at my last job. She the definition of Negative Nancy. So critical and gossipy. In my dream she was doing what she does and I wonder why she was in my sub-conscious. I attract positive people and positive experiences into my life. I trust the Universe to manifest everything that I need. 

Someone posted this quote: The wounded child inside many males is a boy who, when he first spoke his truths, was silenced by paternal sadism, by a patriarchal world that did not want him to claim his true feelings. -Bell Hooks, All About Love The wounded child is not just inside of many males, it is inside of females who have been emotionally, physically, and often sexual abused as a way of controlling her. I remember when I started to lose the true essence of who I am. It was when I entered school. I was labeled and targeted simply for existing. When I said things that were deemed private I was told to shut up and stop broadcasting business. Slowly but surely I was chipped away until I became a shell of myself. I wasn't always "shy." I was beaten down into someone who never knew the right thing to say or do so I just wouldn't say or do anything for fear that someone would tell me that what I felt and wanted was wrong. I would get asked how I was doin...

It is raining again. It has rained constantly over the past few weeks with breaks here and there but they have been heavy cleansing rains. I am in a good place mentally. A fresh start was just what I needed to regroup. Everything that has happened this year needed to happen in order for me to survive. I have a new apartment that is ideal for me in so many ways. I have a new job that I am not going to allow to consume me. I am connecting with people in a way that I haven't in a very long time. I am in a good place. I am still unpacking and purging. Why do I have so much crap? I still have so much stuff to get rid of. My goal is to be very intentional about every area of my life. My relationships, my diet, my spending habits, my spiritual journey. I am still learning how to navigate the world. I was damaged at a very young age and I am still triggered by certain situations. I found out that one of my cousins that molested me died in February and my aunt didn't tell anyone u...

The movers are coming tomorrow and I am still not completely packed up. I will have to push myself to get everything packed up tonight then convince the cat to get in her carrier so I can lock her up at the new place before tomorrow. I will set an intention for her to be cooperative and calm. The last time I posted I went to the new place to clean it before I moved in. It made all the difference in the world! I needed to get my familiar scents and set a positive intention for living there. Whomever lived there before was not the cleanest person and she didn't bother doing a deep clean before moving. Apparently the management company also did not hire a professional cleaner so I had to clean and sanitize every single surface. It smelled an looked better. I finally felt excited about moving. Yesterday I did more purging then went out to buy the boxes so I can consolidate the crap that I didn't get to put in totes from my job. What complicates this move is the fact that I ...

I have lost touch with myself to the point that I can't even trust my own feelings anymore. I think I shared (but I might not have) that while I like my new apartment I have some feelings that are cropping up. One of them is that my neighbors are very different from where I live now and that I can hear the upstairs neighbor stomping around. There are also some other things that I overlooked because I neglected to do them. So I had to tell myself that anything that is not up to my expectations is my fault because I honestly did not put the work into finding a place that was ideal. I am functional but I am unmotivated. Things that I would typically do before renting a place just didn't happen. Also, because it took me so long to decide on a place I really have no right to complain. So, I have convinced myself that I can live there for a year in preparation for leaving this area which I am not connected to. I also started feeling weird about living in the suburbs after living ...