Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

This might be weird and embarrassing to admit but at my ripe age I still get crushes. It's crazy to admit that. I am drawn to energy. Every man that I have chosen to be with - as in I picked him first - I have been attracted to his swagger, his vibe, his essence. The type of men I am attracted to now are very different from the guys I liked when I was younger. I have never really had a type. I just fall in love with everything good. Perhaps that is where I would get into trouble but that is a post for another day. Today I just want to acknowledge that I have spent my whole life afraid to fall in love. I have never complete lost myself in a another person. I always hold back a piece of me. But if I should ever fall in love I want him to know it every minute of every day through my words and my actions to the point that he has no doubt that I love him. You can see the chemistry between couples that are spiritually connected to each other.  That's what I want. 

 ...and it doesn't feel like it. I bought all of my presents and haven't mailed them yet. I had more to say but not really so if I don't hop back on here before Christmas I am wishing you and yours a glorious, peaceful, and joyous Christmas. 

I miss him SO very much. If you are a long time reader you might know him as my Supastar. He and I had an instant connection the first day I met him. We became fast friends and I never stopped loving him. It was never the right time or the right place. Him married. Me on the wrong coast. Us always loving on each other and snatching tender delicious kisses and QT between marriages and on quick bi-coastal trips. I was scared most of the time but what if I had thrown caution to the wind? I remembered last night how brave I used to be. Something suppressed that feeling in me and now I am scared to love. But I do love him. We stayed in touch on social media. Finally he told me he missed me and I told him it was mutual. God I love that man to his very essence. But the reality is that again it was the wrong time and place and he said one day we will meet again. I knew at that moment I had to cut him loose. I couldn't hold on this fantasy of us being together. It's been close to 20 yea...

Note: Not sure why this didn't post.  Lately I've been thinking that I am ready to reenter the dating pool. I've had a lot of time to heal and reflect on my life so I believe I am more self aware. Of course that will be tested once I actually dip my foot in the water but at least mentally that is where I am right now. I've been thinking about it a lot. I know that I have always entered into relationships half heartedly. I can't think of a single relationship where I have committed myself 100%. I've always had one foot ready to head out the door. Not sure why it took my entire life to figure this out but it did. Maybe my needs are also different. Well, my needs are probably the same but the fact that I can recognize my needs has changed. Relationships have also been in the forefront of social media with the unfortunate entanglement involving The Smiths. As Tabitha Brown would say that's their business and lord knows I have no business judging them. Howeve...