Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I have been keeping things pretty low key lately. Tomorrow I will be heading up north to see my photo on exhibit in a museum. Why yes, that is one of my bucket list items! It will be part of a multi-media presentation rather than on the wall, but hey it is a step closer to my dreams! Speaking of photo exhibits, I wanted to show the final product of my first photography class, but since some of the kids are in the photos I will have to wait until I can post individuals photos instead. Kids in first through third grade took a 6 week class with me and learned about framing their shots, composition, focus, balance and more. I would have loved to have spent more time with them, but considering we worked together for such a short period and they are so young it was pretty good. So, I will be saying a final goodbye to my old city on December 31st - how apropos! It will be a quick turn around trip...might not even have enough time to catch a meal before getting back on the train and ch...

I haven't left the house in 2 days and I am tempted to stay in until it is time to go back to work. Seriously, if I didn't have to work and I had enablers, I would probably turn into one of those people who needs to be rescued from themselves.  I am just now doing my holiday cards. I don't know if there is some unwritten rule giving me the 7 days of Kwanzaa as a grace period (maybe it is in the CP Time handbook) but they were just written along with the thank you notes. Yes, I need to attend a meeting or two of procrastinator's anonymous...but I would always be late! I just need to take them down to the lobby to mail and all I want to do is take another nap. Seriously, all I did today was write cards and I am done. Mind you I do write a personal message in each, but I think I could do better. I haven't hit the gym yet.  I ate a whole bag of Cowboy Bark along with other candy that was given to me for the holidays. I also had shortbread cookies, then my friend sen...

Today I wanna do the following (after taking a nap) get a massage get hair blown out and trimmed go to IKEA to get picture frames for family pictures The sorta must do list: Go to Whole Foods Get jewelry cleaned and repaired Take coat to cleaners and get pants altered Write thank you cards and new year cards to those who sent me a card or sent a gift clean bathroom and vacuum living room get vision checked Go through papers Go through boxes Buy candles for kinara

Last night I went to see Porgy & Bess. I am familiar with the 1959 version because my mother loved it so much she had the album and I would listen and sing along with it growing up. I knew "Summertime" long before Fantasia sang it on "American Idol".  I didn't know all of the facets of the story and so I am glad that I finally saw it. I would have paid good money to see Sammy Davis, Jr. playing Sportin' Life, Dorothy Dandrige as Bess and Sidney Poitier as Porgy. Pearl Bailey, Diahann Carroll and Brock Peters. Good gracious that had to be a fantastic show! This performance was just eh. I don't know if I have been spoiled by New York theater, if the energy was low, or what. I did make a connection between Porgy & Bess and Carmen. A lot of the same themes running through both stories. Interesting. I would love to write an analysis of it like I used to do in college. I rocked Bantu knots for the first time in my life and it was kind of liberating. ...

When I was a little girl I would pull the petals off of flowers and say, he loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not. Then when I became a grown woman a song was released by a woman who looked a lot like me and she sang full of passion, he loves me...especially...different... Today I sent out an email telling my friends about the blessings that have been bestowed upon me this year. The first response I got back was from none other than Supastar. He has always been so supportive of me. I sometimes wonder if I made the worst mistake of my life by not being there with him. It might seem juvenile and naive, but the fact that he sent a response says a lot. It is like picking that last petal on the flower and confirming...he loves me.

Somewhere along the way it has been drilled into us that Christmas must be perfect; I think about the humble beginnings of the sweet little baby Jesus and know that nothing could be further from the truth. If we are to believe the story of how our Lord and Savior came into this world, the fact that he was born in a stable among the animals says a lot about how humble his beginning truly was. So why do we stress ourselves out trying to make everything perfect on this one day of the year that is supposed to be about remembering and honoring that sweet baby that was born in Bethlehem? I thought about this because as I was leaving Whole Food on Christmas Eve, a woman came barreling into the elevator with her cart looking haggard and stress out. I asked if she was ready and she gave me a hopeless look and replied, "almost." I responded, something to the effect of well it will be here and gone and we will wonder what all of the fuss was about. She just slumped her shoulders and m...

I woke up this morning with a profound thought about Christmas and the meaning of the holiday heavy on my mind. However, I needed to prepare breakfast for myself and the cat and the thought has since left my mind. I do know that next year I do not plan to spend Christmas alone in my apartment. I pray that I never spend another Christmas alone in my apartment again. I want to travel. Either spending time with my aunt or internationally. This year I would have loved to have been in Paris, but a tropical island will do as well. Although I am trying to remain focused on the reason for the season, I am still a little lonely and wish that I had someone to spend the holiday with. Christmas was so special to my mother so adjusting to being alone even after all of these years has not happened. So, I will spend the day cleaning my apartment and maybe I will go out and see a movie. The city is pretty much shut down. Over the break I want to do the following: Day trip to Philly Clean out m...

Dear Harlem, I don't miss you at all. I am so happy that we broke up. It was definitely time. I hadn't been happy with you for a very long time. I feel like I gave more to you than you gave to me. Unrequited love at its best. Even Brooklyn and I broke up amicably. But you, Harlem, you just kept me at arms length. Our 10 year courtship stole some of the best years of my life. You almost took my life, Harlem. I probably wouldn't have made it much longer had I not walked away from you when I did, Harlem. I lost myself in you, Harlem. And the more I gave, the less you responded. So, to save myself I had to leave you. I had to cut all ties with you. I am am free now. I am free to rediscover the beauty within myself. You took so much away from me, but I can go on. I learned to recognize selfish lovers. I can go on, and hold my head high.

My assistant called out again. She has called out repeatedly since we started working together. The last time it was supposedly Mono. I had Mono. It knocks you on your ass for months! She had a miraculous recovery though in about a week or two. She complains about everything. She gossips about every one. She comes off as a really miserable person and if she doesn't like you well you're just ass out. It occurred to me tonight that it reminds me of a really bad relationship I was in a few years back. It was actually that relationship that set me back and caused me to slip deep into the depression that I am finally pulling myself out of.  I wrote about this relationship here. How he never was satisfied with anything that I did and was always mad at me no matter what I did. He would complain about everything, but he never ever took the initiative to do anything. He hated me because I wasn't someone else. That is exactly how this work relationship is...I try to accommodate her...

There are so many people caught up with the act of dying. I used to be one of those people. But when I realized that God has a purpose for my life that is bigger than me than I stopped feeling sorry for myself and turned my attention toward helping others live their best life. I don't have much to give, but I try to do what I can. I am so insignificant in the wide spectrum of it all. Why do we take ourselves so seriously?  Take you hands off of the wheel! God is in control. I wonder sometimes how people can be so stubborn. How God shows himself over and over again. Yet, they continually turn away from HIM and refuse to see his grace and mercy. Why does it take some major tragedy for us to be able to see how truly blessed we are. We have a loving and faithful God and we need to stop being spoiled brats who get mad every time things don't go exactly our way. Often when things are not going our way it is our own fault. I have been messing up a LOT lately. School, work, personal li...

I started this post and was almost finished when my tablet did something weird and the draft did not save. Note to self, do not blog on the tablet! So, this post is going to be all over the place. I guess they all are since I am essentially always trying to get my thoughts sorted out when I write in this safe safe. I will just post my thoughts in form of bullet points. Photos from the tablet are at the end of the post.  I love waking up on Sunday mornings, eating breakfast, having coffee, and watching CBS Sunday Morning (which is what I am doing as I type this post). Mandela was such an inspiration. The man lived the type of life that you read about in the Bible. Unbelievable stories of epic proportions. God bless him. I have been having trouble focusing. I actually feel more focused this morning and will tackle this final exam that I have been putting off. I don't understand why I put if off so long. I was exhausted and sick, but then I just couldn't focus. I also ...

I felt off. I went to the doctor to see if there is a medical explanation.  He was awful. One of those old guys who just wants to collect your insurance for doing the bare minimum. I miss my doctor in NY. She was personable and listened. Unlike this guy. Hope to find a good primary care doctor soon.