Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I am listening to Joel Osteen this morning. He is talking about the "threshing floor."  # 654 ,  Separated For The Better .  I can connect because I can't figure out what is happening with my relationships . But God is preparing me for my next role. Joel said that if God was to place me there now I wouldn't be able to handle it. This is why I have no real desire to be in a role of leadership. Because when I was pushed into that position too soon when I was younger I couldn't handle it.  But over the years God has been working on me. He is been preparing, testing me, challenging me....  I know that I can go no further in my career without moving into leadership. He said that God will move the person who is standing in your way out of your way. This is indeed the truth.

Last night I could barely keep my eyes open and finally found myself succumbing to sleep by around 8:30-9:00 P.M. Typically if I fell asleep that early I would find myself awake in the middle of the night. Last night however I dreamed that I was with Supastar and we were rebuilding our relationship. It felt so good to be in his arms, but I still didn't fully trust enough to fall completely in love with him. I still held back my emotions. I really think that man must be my "soul mate."  It was love at first sight and no one has made me feel the way he does since I met him. No one. And after all of these years he is still the only man that I want to be with. He is also the last man that I was with. Believe it or not I have been celibate since we broke up. So yeah, I'm pretty attached to him. Maybe one day we will reunite. Until then I guess he will remain the man of my dreams.

I have had this ongoing issue with a coworker all year long and it has pretty much reached a head at this point because I refuse to tolerate her B.S. anymore. So around January after she got "crunk" with me one too many times I stopped speaking to her other than on a professional level . But this little silly broad feels the need to try to disrespect me in meetings. She had one more time before I dealt with her. Well, the stupid heifer reached her limit the other day. We hadn't had a meeting in a while due to a number of circumstances I guess. So the meeting was moving right along when this child decides that she wants to come at me again. So as I'm giving me input she mumbles something and I say, "excuse me?" So without even turning her head in my direction she says "I said I wasn't finished with what I was saying."  Mind you this little trick used to intentionally but me off until I stopped speaking to her. So, I said sarcastically (to matc...

I wish this wonderful weekend didn't have to end. It isn't like I did anything spectacular, but as you know by now I value my personal time and long for more time to reflect and introspect. The weather couldn't have been more perfect. I got out both Sunday and Monday (go me!) The weekend started out by going out to dinner after work with my friend. Wednesday was my birthday and I was mad as hell all day long because I couldn't get the day off. That is a story for another time. I spent Saturday tucked up in the house because as you know I have to have a whole day of doing absolutely nothing at all. Sunday I intended to go one place but wound up in Home Goods. I didn't buy anything because I am on a tight budget right now but if I had the money I would have picked up a few things. I am trying to manifest a windfall of unexpected money. Yesterday I went on a sort of hiking adventure and discovered a trail I hadn't been on because I was afraid to go into the woo...

I love myself. I have been reading my old journal entries on here and see that I really do love myself. How do I know? I try to treat myself well with spa treatments and times when I eat healthy and fast I remover myself from situations that are not serving me. I listen to positive, uplifting music. I allow myself to heal both mentally and physically when I am not well. 

I am not anti-social. I just find that when I am under a lot of stress I like to regroup by spending time alone. This weekend reminded me of how much I miss socializing. I remembered how I used to go to fight parties and how it is a great way to meet men. I thought about how I need to find a meet up group or something to have weekly or biweekly brunches or dinners. I want to connect to other people. I feel like the people that I work with are not a true representation of the type of people who live her. Many of them aren't even from here and on top of it they are not in my age group. The women at work who are in my age group have different lifestyles than the one that lead. They are either still raising kids or have kids in college. It's almost like I have one foot in and one foot out. I don't want to be with someone daily or even weekly. But I do want the option of being around friends so I can get that little boost of energy that comes from connecting with others. I am ...

I read this post today and it struck a nerve because just yesterday one of my coworkers threw a backhand compliment my way. The reason why women feel they need tear each other day was noted in the quote that opens this post, In her essay titled “Sin, Nature, and Black Women’s Bodies,” Delores S. Williams writes about “spirit breakers” or “Negro breakers,” those who were hired by slave owners to break the spirit of slaves who seemed to be too confident, too uppity, and too independent. The sole purpose of these “spirit breakers” was to put slaves in their place and to convince them that their status as mere property would never change.  http://www.forharriet.com/2015/05/13-quotes-by-black-women-on-survival.html#ixzz3Z0BBZBQN    The other day while in a store I saw a certain candy that jarred me back to when I worked for a nasty, miserable woman (what is it with this pattern???) who had returned from a trip to Europe and was passing out gifts to everyone in the off...

I wanted to write about what is on my mind. I have been thinking about it a lot lately. Today it really stayed with me because I was in workshops all day listening to others address their work situations. I reached the conclusion that there are some really mean, nasty, and vindictive individuals in positions of power. They are making the lives of so many unhappy and destroying their self-esteem. This scripture came to mind:  1 Corinthians 16:14. The scripture urges us to do everything in love. When I think about my boss and some of my coworkers who are literally enablers of her behavior I wonder how they will answer to God when the time comes. I mentioned this before but I don't do well with injustice. I think because I was mistreated for much of my life. So when I see someone like my boss who is doing more harm than good or trying to destroy others in the name of doing good it doesn't set right with me. Inherently good people know that it isn't right and won't stan...