Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

This month the weather was been so warm. No scarves, gloves, or winter coats thus far. Yet, my anxiety is ramping up. I had another bout of anxiety this morning. I feel like everything is off-kilter aw work and I don't know how to regain control. I have mentally given up. At the end of each day I am ready to cry and feel like a failure. I know this is by design because despite my problems at my last two jobs I was a leader in my field and now I am being made to feel as if I am a loser. And it is taking a toll on me physically and mentally. I did nothing all weekend except stress eat and the only time I feel at peace is when I am sleeping. Otherwise my mind feels full and even though my body isn't exhausted my mind is weary. I was suffering from pains in my abdomen and thought I might have to have surgery. I have changed my diet to exclude most land animals. If I eat it I am limiting it to once a week or so. It hasn't really helped so far but I am going to try to stick to it...

I woke up this morning feeling anxious. I took a day off from work because my mind just wasn't in a place to deal with all that comes with work. I didn't want to politely make conversation about what people did for Thanksgiving considering the fact that I did nothing. I hadn't slept well the night before and I am honestly just feeling really hopeless about everything. I am thankful for my blessings - a running car, a warm place to live, my cat, food to eat, good health, etc. I realized however that I am missing a piece of me. That is why I am longing for New York. I had so many outlets. I was lonely but never alone. When I read back some of my old blog entries I remembered why I left and said I would never move back but I need an outlet for my creativity. I might start trying to write again. I feel so uninspired and like my writing skills are rusty. This morning that familiar tight feeling in my gut gripped me. I made a cup of tea (I thought coffee might make it wor...