Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

Amazingly calm day today. No fires to put out, no meltdowns to deal with. Just peace and productivity. God is good. Please, let it continue and not be a fluke. Please!

I forgot how relaxing it can be to ride the train. I am heading back to New York on the Amtrak now as the dark sky envelopes us. Just a few days away can make all the difference. I slept horribly the night before I left. We partied all of Saturday night then ended the night at Ben's being jostled around in the line that snaked around the tight diner. And while I am trying to chance my diet, that dog was so good! Believe the hype! Sunday we did nothing and today we pretty much did nothing as well. Actually we did a drive by of the M.L.K. memorial. Will post pics after I upload them. Having free wi-fi on the train is awesome!  I'll have to push through until President's Day. Might try to take a day trip somewhere else. Here's to hoping things start to improve!

I am loving the quiet lull of the city that is partially shut down due to Hurricane Tropical Storm Irene. No buses or subways running. No sirens, minimal traffic. I could get used to this!

Went to the beach again today. Was supposed to go into to work to finish up, but decided I'd rather spend the day on the beach. So I did! It was great! Also spent hours in Wal-Mart. Decided to spruce up the apt. since I likely won't be moving this year...not enough money saved. These people want the equivalent of 4 months rent! Crazy! Got new curtains, bathroom accessories and a runner for the foyer. Tired of the dirt that gets tracked through the apt even with taking shoes off at the door. Eventually will get a new area rug and hopefully new furniture and dishes. Haven't done anything with the place since I moved back 3 years ago! Need an upgrade after 8 years in the same place.

It just hit me. I think I might have this blogging thing all wrong. Instead of using it to vent I should be using it to write about my blessings. I came across a girl's blog where she wrote about one magical moment a day. Lately, I have been allowing myself to get caught up in negative thoughts and behaviors. Imagine how life changing it might be if I would focus on my blessings instead of my grievances. Like today for example. I was having a great day. Until I was pulled over and summoned for a defective tail light. I started to let it ruin my day, but why should I allow one moment to undo every other wonderful experience I had?  So, from now on I will try really, really, hard to stay positive and only write happy thoughts. Wish me luck!

This past week was horrible! I've spent the whole weekend trying to shake it, but I still feel tightness and tension in my brow and my eyes are lifeless. I have no real joy in my life. I still smile and laugh at times, but not often enough.   At the center of my discontentment is my environment. I need to get out of here! This apartment. This neighborhood. This job trajectory. I shouldn't say it because it seems ungrateful. I almost lost everything this past year. I am now finally getting stable and it seems like someone always wants to make life more complicated than it has to be. Can I live? Got damn! I do my best to live a righteous life. I mind my own business. Try to take care of my obligations and even try to help others when and if I can. Yet, it always seems that I am at battle with someone about bullshit. I just want to live a peaceful life. I am surrounded by people who thrive on drama. I have been seriously contemplating moving to another state where people are c...

I'm still here trying to make things happen.  Trying not to freak out about the state of the economy and the community.  I've lived in two different states this year and both have been immersed in a violent crime wave. That was the first indication that things were only getting to get worse.  On the one hand, I know that there is a huge problem with the economy.  However, this is an issue that has been going on for a while now.  Why else was Bush approving the economic stimulus checks that we've been cashing since he has been in office?  Hello, red flag! I've lived through several recessions in the past.  I'm a kid of the 70s.  That was a bad recession. Then there was the recession in the 80s when Reagan was in office.  Things improved a bit when Clinton came into office, and when the Repubs came back into power they tried to make it seem like we were still in that same economic state.  But the tension has been in the air for a long time.  It was only a matter of ti...

I am in such a peaceful state today. I resigned from my job yesterday....I did it with confidence in myself and my skills and without any anxiety whatsoever. I did my job and I did it well. It helped me realize that I can longer sacrifice my happiness for others. Today, I received an email from someone I had been working with on a personal project that had been put on hold as well as another associate I've been working with on getting my pet projects off the ground. Moving forward. It feels good. It feels right. It finally feels like it is time. I am typing this with smile on my face and in my heart. I am at peace.