Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I feel my heart, face, and outlook softening. It is the combination of enough sleep, healthier eating habits, lots of sun, and the time to do what I love.  I want to be able to maintain this feeling through the fall and winter, but about 6 weeks into the winter I begin to emotionally hibernate. I really need to find a job that allows me to indulge in my joys more often and/or need to move to a state where I can get more sun, more often. Please let the economy improve so I can move forward. I won't complain because I am blessed to have a job and to have this time off, but it will be hard to get back to business when I know that something else brings joy to my heart and peace to my spirit. Let me remain open and pliable to all new possibilities and opportunities.

People often wonder why I don’t attend more social events in Harlem. Primary reason is that New Yorkers are notorious for sizing you up within the first 3 seconds of meeting you. If they determine you aren’t on their level they can be aloof and downright rude. I know who I am and don’t need the approval of people who think that they are more than they are. We all have unique qualities that make us God’s children. If you can’t take the time to find that out then that is your issue, not mine. Everyone in New York is so self-important, but all you do is build a community of pretentious and contrived interactions. The name dropping gets old fast!

We have had temps 90 degrees and above just about every day this month. I haven't been sleeping for about as long. I stay up until the sun rises. Then I sleep through until I get too hot and have to find someplace cool. Today temps are expected to be close to 100 degrees - hot & humid. I have no contingency plan. Oh boy!

I've come to realize that I really come alive in the summer. I have more energy, a better outlook, function better, and I am radiant. So why am I living in a place where close to half the year is winter?  Not that I am a fan of weather that is too hot, and the change of seasons is a beautiful phenomena, but I see that I need to be in a place that helps me be a better me. It is time to move on...again. Looking for greener pastures, brighter days, and new opportunities to feed my spirit.

It occurred to me today that people truly are very fragile. We have to be careful how we treat each other. Something that is a non-issue for me could dredge up some deep-rooted childhood issues for someone else. For example, I was thinking of a mutual friend from high school. One day I kept her waiting too long and she left. The fact is that time management is something that I have struggled with since childhood. As a matter of fact, it is an ingrained childhood habit that I picked up from my mother and have fought to overcome my entire adult life. So it was not a big deal on my end to ask her to wait a few extra minutes. I've come to realize, now that time has passed, that it might have been a huge deal for her. She has abandonment issues and while she was waiting she said she kept thinking "she's not coming."  In retrospect, it was very selfish of me to keep her waiting. I now realize the importance of being prompt, so as not to cause others anxiety. I always unders...

if it is a matter of going to see and be seen then it is not my scene.

Out and about. Remembering who I am. Discovering. Exploring. Plotting. Planning. Growing. Changing. Reconnecting. Responding. Reinventing. Reinvesting. Realizing. Feeling. Dealing. Walking. Connecting. Living. Finally, living!

Searching for an apartment is frustrating. In my mind I have a vision of what I expect and what I deserve. All of the ads I see are trying to woo the Columbia and City College students and professors. What about the regular working folk like me?  We need a nice place to live too. Then they want all of your personal information (which makes me very uncomfortable), 40x the rent and spotless credit. To rent a place, not to buy. These people seem to think they are renting gold mines. You should see some of these dumps that they are requiring all of this for. While my budget doesn't allow me to stretch my imagination, I know that I can find a decent, safe, and clean place to live with what I have to work with. I don't have elaborate dreams and really am a pretty simple girl though I do appreciate beauty. It's out there waiting for me to claim it. As an aside, I am thinking of starting (yet) another blog of just beautiful spaces and accoutrements to keep my vision clear [Tumbl...

Lovely evening. The weather has cooled down and I had a picnic in the park. A company called That Picnic Place asked me to review their product. They sent me a complimentary single guy/single girl basket. I had a huge Thai chicken salad, chips, iced tea, and chocolate cake.  The basket was complimentary as was the fleece blanket. All of the food was good! Everything was cool (including the drink) when it was hand delivered at the park. I ate my meal under a shady tree before going to hear a free jazz concert and watching a free movie, also taking place in the park. I was completely inspired by the story of Youssef N'dour . I walked part of the way home and felt like I had an epiphany. I felt in that moment that I  need desperately to move. Now. Even if it means pulling money from my untouchable fund (which is very low right now.) I have lived in this apartment for 7 years and I have that 7 year itch. I also reached the conclusion that I need to be living in the gym. Dai...

My poor cat is just miserable. She is like me...can't stand the heat. I am so glad that this won't last long. I am staying hydrated and not moving around much. Most I got done today was going to grocery store laundry and that was doing good.  People are just miserably hot. How do people in other countries or places like Arizona or Las Vegas stand this heat all the time?  Air conditioning must be key. I went out to check on my car today before going to the store. Sure enough there was another dent in it. This time on the hood where someone apparently sat on it. On the back there was dried egg.  If I didn't have to pay my student loans I would be out of this neighborhood. In my building the trash room is filled with trash. People don't bother to drop it down the chute and as hot as it is it will start to stink of the hallway. Apparently the porters are taking an extra day off. My blessing is that I have a place to live and in comparison to some of the other places I...

We're having a heat wave. A tropical heat wave! Trying to stay cool. Was going to try to buy a new a/c unit before it hit, but my financial issues put a stop to that so the fans have been working overtime. Too hot to even go out and seek a cool place to wait it out. Besides, that cost money. Cafes, gas, tolls, parking. So I'm just waiting it out at home. Yesterday I went to New Jersey for the fourth. On the drive over there some idiot missed his turn and decided to turn around on the Garden State Parkway and go back in the wrong direction to the left turn off.  He almost caused an accident.  As I watched the guy do it I couldn't even register what was happening. I couldn't believe someone would do that! Traffic was very light, but not light enough to go the wrong way on a major highway for a missed turn. What is wrong with people? Then today there was a story about a major accident on the LIE today that resulted in a head on accident. People take driving so lightl...

There are a litter of kittens running around down the street. I want take them all and love them to death. I already have one cat and can't find an apartment that allows pets. Imagine if I had 4 or 5 cats. I also fear becoming the cat lady. They are so cute though.  It's bad enough that I feed the strays on the block.  I've always love cats for some reason. Kittens are just so sweet and cuddly.