Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

Just got a call from an old colleague. Our old boss just got fired.While we knew she was up for it, we thought she had some more time left. Her house of cards came tumbling down. Can't say I didn't call it.

Where is my motivation? I haven't been able to stay motivated enough to do anything. The past two day I have come straight home and done nothing for either work or school. I think I am not ready to go back to school and might have to claim defeat. I would rather focus my energy on work at this point. I just don't want to get stuck doing what I do. I don't know...I just need for my life to fall into place.Oh yeah, and the pressure is back up. Sigh. Oh yeah, and I am lonely. Bought some cute boots online and they are too tight so I have to return them. I guess I will keep searching. Really ready to update my wardrobe.  Tonight my building is having a Halloween party. It seems like it will be nice, but the last time I popped into one the neighbors descended on me and asked me so many noisy questions I was annoyed. Will skip it this round. I just want Mo to come back.

I took a(nother) day off from class. My blood pressure has been running high despite being on medication and I am just over that class. I doubt she takes attendance anyway. In any event, the intention was to get some work done. Instead I took a much needed nap. I thought I would work when I woke up from the nap but the nap lasted until 8 PM so I figured I would just get up in the wee hours of the morning to work. Nope. Slept and even had trouble getting up by 6 AM. No work was done, but my pressure went down. Thinking it might be connected to lack of sleep or just the pressures of life. My neck is very tight. I might need to go after work for a neck massage. I still have so much work to do and it is making me mad that people put this kind of pressure on other people just to make themselves look good. Our line of work doesn't require all of this...it really doesn't. Yet, when someone has something to prove this is what we get. Sigh. On to start my day.

I have been a bit down and discouraged recently. My work load and lack of friendship is taking a toll on me. I moved here because I wanted to reestablish a social life. I wanted to have time to enjoy myself every once in a while. I find it impossible to do that with the schedule I have unless something else is left undone. Lately lots of things have been left undone. I know I am working in God's favor, but I feel that people's expectations are too high. What I mean by that is it is my prerogative to put in as much work as I am capable of putting in without having to wind up hospitalized or worst. People will work you into the ground if you let them. I have worked hard for so hard and I am ready to just put in a day's work and be able to walk away at the end of the day guilt-free. Yet, people continue to pile more and more on you and then give you the side eye when you say enough is enough. I can't work at the same pace I did when I was younger. I would stay until la...

I love this amazing, quirky, irregular life I am living. I am truly misunderstood in this world. there are people who feel that I should not have the life that I created for myself. and it really pisses them off that I dare to live life on my own terms. I refuse to be controlled by others intentions, ill will, or manipulation.  until I take my last breath this life is mine. someone said they thought I was free. I didn't think so at the time but I guess I am. I am free to live and free to love whenever and whomever I choose. this is my life.