Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I just saw a video of me that someone took last Friday and I was mortified. I have gained so much weight! I look like a freaking line backer. You know this means war. I am about to HAM on this fat. I have already started to make some changes, but I see I am going to have amp up the exercise and the discipline. No more emotional eating, treating myself, or any of the other excuses that have gotten me to this size. I need to lose weight and lose it now.  I'm not going set myself up for failure by trying to lose it all at once, but I do need to lose quite a bit so I am not so huge. I don't know how much that should be since I can't weigh myself. There might be a scale down in the gym that I can weigh myself on. I need to be in that gym at least 4 times a weeks doing cardio like a mad woman. I can do this. I will not lose momentum. Mentally I am ready and physically my body can not and will not continue to grow any larger. I can and I will do this!  How do I plan to do it? C...

I wound up doing little to nothing this weekend. I had all kinds of big plan, but those went down the drain when I started to feel like I was coming down with something on Friday night. I went into action loading up on my arsenal of vitamins and supplements. I slept all day Saturday. Was so groggy I couldn't even function. Sunday, I was a bit better, but still didn't have enough energy to get up and out. I spent Sunday reading devotionals and planning out the week ahead. I didn't grocery shop so I had to be strategic about what I was going to eat for the week. The week before I had gone out of town, so I didn't grocery shop or have lunch prepared. I had to wing it for lunch and that is always a drag. I didn't want to get caught out there this week. I still had some of my 17 bean soup left so I am going to mix some noodles in there and take that for a couple of days. I also made a 3 bean salad and that should hold me another couple of days. Thinking I might do sautee...

I returned to New York on Thursday. What should have been a 4 hour trip turned into around 7 hours. Of course when I am driving I like to lolligag, but the real issue was traffic. It was horrible trying to find a river crossing from New Jersey into New York that was less than an hour wait. I normally take the G.W. Bridge into the city, but I'd heard on the radio that there was an hour delay so I opted to take one of the tunnels instead. I am not a fan of tunnels. What I didn't know at the time was that the tunnels also had an hour wait. I would have preferred to take the bridge had I known that. In any event I took the Lincoln tunnel in and sat, and puttered, and idled as the sun began to set over the Manhattan. The skyline was stunning, but I was ready to be home at that point. Once I was in the tunnel, we continued to sit in stop and go traffic. At this point, I began to get sick from the carbon monoxide building up from the exhaust fumes and started to have a panic attack....