Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I always get emotional when I see how tender some parents are with their children and I hear how affirmative they are to them. I know my parents loved me and I offer them grace because they did the best they could. Yet I can't help but wonder how I would have turned out if I had parents who poured love into me the way some other parents do. My mom was tired and overwhelmed. She was impatient with me as were my teachers. I thought this was how adults treated children. It instilled negative behaviors in me that took years to unlearn. I am still unlearning them. I didn't know that these behaviors were as dysfunctional as they are. If I had been understood rather than beaten with belts and switches when I made simple mistakes. If I had been told that I was amazing, kind, beautiful, powerful, and all of the other affirmative words that parents pour into their children. I felt unwanted and like a fuck up for most of my life but I know that I didn't always feel that way. I look at...

Hola! I have been debating myself as to whether I should retire this blog or not. I'm never sure if it is just an online journal at this point or if I have an audience to write for as well. In any event out of curiosity I decided to see when I started this blog. It has significance for a reason that I won't delve into right now. Coincidentally it was 15 years ago almost to the day that I shut down my previous blog and started this one. Not sure if I ever shared the story of why I felt I needed to do that. It actually would make a good blog. Note to self. There is so much going on in the world right now and I want to document it. I have always been able to get raw and gritty in this space where I remain anonymous although I'm sure a number of long time readers know me personally by now. But if you are still reading then you don't judge me too harshly and I appreciate that.  Hell you even tolerate the numerous typos because you know this is my space to basically b...