Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I should be asleep. But I can't sleep. My mind keep thinkings about things that I really have no control over. Who loved me and who didn't. Who thinks I do a good job and who doesn't. I have been thinking more and more about leaving and simplifying my lifestyle. I want to focus on my health. I need to lose weight and get active. I need to create. I need to fall in love. My passions are misplaced. I need to be passionate about what I create. I want to create. I want to be consumed with my images. My words. My passions. I want more.

I don't know what it is about me that make people want to keep me downtrodden. I came out the gates strong going above and beyond what is required on my job. I am trying my best to move beyond my current status to a place where I am not in a constant state of uneasiness. To be perfectly honest, I want  predictable, boring, easy position at this point in my life. I am getting older and the B.S. is wearing on me. I am not on the same level as these 20-somethings who feel like they need to "establish" themselves but know what the hell they are doing! I have years of experience in my field and have proven time and time again that I know how to do my job, yet I am constantly being questioned, challenged, reprimanded, and trained to do things that I know don't work. How do I know they don't work?  Well, because it is the same ole' B.S. that has been repurposed and repackaged from when I first stated. I have tried countless theories and programs and I know what works...