Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I've been in strange frame of mind lately. Typically as the seasons change one would expect to be in better spirits. I have been shifting between loneliness and defeat. Not completely depressed but having bouts of self-doubt and self-deprecation. Replaying perceived mistakes in my life. Doubting the work that I do. I had a dream that has just tugged at me and made me wonder if I should leave this line of work for once and for all. I have also been sick. This may be the cause of all of these mixed emotions. I've been sick for a while now that I think back. I think I just got used to it. I think I was better for a while but this last bout was a respiratory infection that I suspect developed not a mild case of bronchitis. I slept a lot over the past few days. I have taken so many days off work and most were because of these serious illnesses or dental work. Perhaps they are connected since I do still need to get oral surgery done so I can finish treatment on that final cavity. I...

I need a two hour delay this morning but no snow or ice in the forecast. I had a restful weekend and now I am unprepared for this morning. The new Oprah and Deepak Meditation started this morning. So needed since Friday and Saturday I was in a bad place mentally. Sunday I went to brunch with my friend. I really have to make an effort to find more friends here but I think because I am so mentally exhausted I just want to hibernate. That will probably change once the weather shifts. Maybe I will participate in some meet up groups. I have completely set aside all things that previously gave me pleasure. No wonder I am in this dark place consumed by work and home. I have to start my day now. Looking at my schedule it actually seems like it won't be too bad of a week. Thank you, Jesus! I want to finally get caught up. I hoped to do some work this weekend but I was drained. Here's to a positive week!

This little girl was physically, mentally, and sexually abused for most of her childhood. She carries that hidden pain around with her daily. It affects her interactions. She is distant, aloof, and unable to open up to others. Her past hurts are bottled up deep inside of her. Like peeling away the layers of an onion, her pain becomes more exposed. She has times when she feels O.K. Sometimes she feels strong and invincible. Other times she feels helpless and lost. This little girl who carries around the burden of abandonment. The child who was teased, criticized, and judged relentlessly throughout her formative years. She still hurts. She suffers bouts of depression and is desperate to be loved but doesn't know how to open herself up to fully receive it. She needs to be healed. She needs to be wrapped completely in the unconditional love by a patient loving being who understands her.  The little girl is tired. So tired of reliving the pain. She wants to break free. She wants to ...

Good Morning Sunshine! What a beautiful day we have here. I woke up refreshed and feeling ready for an adventure. Of course I have work to do but I want to go out and enjoy the day. I am going to straighten up a bit around here. Not much...I just need to hit the floors, wash up in the kitchen and finish my laundry really. The rest of the place is pretty much in order. I have been doing a phenomenal job of keeping my house clean since I moved here. I am so proud of myself! And it never takes me more than an hour and a half to two hours to clean the place from top to bottom...dusting and all. I know it helps a lot with keeping me mentally healthy. I woke up thinking that I want to take a class once a week. A yoga class or low impact exercise class to keep my muscles happy. I've been so tight lately so I did a little bit of yoga yesterday and it did help stretch those taunt muscles. I think I will go to TJ Maxx to get those yoga blocks to help modify some of the poses. Today w...

I want to sit in the middle of a park listening to good music surrounded by beautiful people.  I miss being in love.  My life is supposed to be so much more than what it is right now.  I either dream too big or I live too small.  I was introduced to The Game of Life and How to Play It . No one ever said why it was a must read. I now see where Marianne Williamson, Iyanla Vanzant, and The Secret lady got their ideology.  I love snow days. They are so necessary. People need to slow the ______ down.  I think when I get too comfortable I become complacent. This is probably why I never allow myself to get too comfortable in any situation. I am preparing to move along again.  I think I was born a rebel. I was one all during my childhood. People always wonder why I can't just go along with the program. I just can't. My spirit doesn't let me quietly sit around and watch injustice. Panther Baby.  Creating is still in my blood and I hope that on...