Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I am trying to get my mind right, but I am having trouble meditating and getting quiet this morning. My thoughts are scattered all over the place and I just need to sit quietly to collect them, but can't. As I was trying to meditate a thought came to mind. When I moved into a smaller space I had to get rid of whatever did not serve a purpose. In the past I would hang onto things that were damaged or ruined. I don't have room for that in my life anymore. If it isn't serving a purpose I don't have space for it. I guess I am the same way emotionally. I have been so cluttered with so much junk that I need to make room only for what is going to serve me. I cleared out my Facebook again. I am down to a few people and I can actually make a deeper cut. If you don't provide some type of support then you are not providing a service in my life. It may sound selfish but think of it this way, people should bring you one of several things that nurture you and help you grow: love,...

I had a rough day today. Actually they have been happening more often recently. Perhaps the planets are out of alignment or I could be out of alignment. I feel like I've spend my summer trying to reconnect to my loving side. Yet, as soon as I returned to work I felt the negative energy from certain individuals strongly. I don't know what brings out that reaction. I just try to be me. So today was the worst I have felt in a while. I was frustrated beyond words. My throat closed up and hot tears welled up. I tried to identify what could have brought this emotional response on. I had a frustrating day trying to travel across town to two different trainings where people just drone on for hours. I hate it! I think I now see how I was as a kid. I cannot maintain my attention for extended periods of time unless I am interested in what is being said. There were crazy parking situations in both locations. Then a group of women sat near me who talked and criticized everything. By the...

I have been working all week except for Tuesday when it was storming and I didn't feel well. I have been preparing my new space. Getting organized which I wasn't last year admittedly. It is a luxury to have enough space to do all the things that I want to do. I am just getting my thoughts together and browsing pinterest for ideas about how make my life easier, especially not having an assistant. I figure that if I start out organized it will just be a matter of maintaining it. We'll see how that goes. So this post will be pretty random...an assorted collection of thoughts that I need to get out of my head. Today is the kind of day where I would love to stay inside all day and relax. However I have so many things to do to prepare for the busy week ahead. I will be in meeting and trainings all of next week and then next Monday our official first day will be here! I will probably be in a vortex until Christmas. In the midst of it all I will need to organize my move. I ...

I just deleted a bunch of folk from my FB page. It suddenly occurred to me that I only hear from a small percentage of the people who are supposedly my friends. Many, if not all, are friends in real life. Yet if we don't have any type of exchange - a like here, a how are you doing there, a comment every now and then - what is the point?  So you can see what I am up to yet never say anything?  It makes me wonder if there are people who are waiting for me crash and burn and they want to be there to witness it. There are people who request to be my friend and won't even post an annual happy birthday message. Are you just being nosy?  Trying to see what I have been up to? Trying to compare your life to mine?  What? So, I cut them loose. I have more folks that I need to cut loose as well but I tend to do it a bit at a time. Before it is all over I will be down to 10 friends and some of them will be family members who I also need to cut off since they also don't interact o...

So Oprah and Deepak have another meditation series going. The theme of this 21 day meditation series is Expanding your Happiness. Boy do I need that in my life. I am blessed. I am grateful. But I really want to be deep down and genuinely happy with my life. I did day one with the intention of doing each day as we go. I have tried the other series and either started late and had to play catch up or fell off and had to play catch up. They only keep the meditations up for 5 days so if you miss a week you are just out of luck. I also found that buying the series is not worth it because although you have a library of your series I bought a series for $40 when they first started this that is not in my library. This is my issue with digital resources. At least a hard copy will either get broken or lost but it is tangible. I am also glad that the series is starting now so I can start forming the habit before I get caught up in the whirlwind of work and continue with it when I need it mos...

During a meeting at work the book  The 5 Love Languages  was mentioned. I had never heard of the book before (actually I lied! I just found another post about it from 2008 ) and to be honest wasn't particularly interested in it during this meeting. As I have been pondering my aversion to love I started thinking about this book. I looked it up not the internet and took the quiz t o find out what my love language is. Here are my results. Interpreting and Using Your Profile Score: The highest score indicates your primary love language - how you really understand the expressions of love from others. It’s common to have two high scores (the highest score being 12), although one language tends to have a slight edge for most people. The lower scores in your profile indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don’t affect you on an emotional level in your relationships. 9 Words of Affirmation 8 Quality Time 7 Acts of Service 4 ...

One of the hardest things to do is to love someone without smothering them. I guess because you love them so much and it feels so good that all you want is to keep that feeling to yourself. In the beginning of a relationship all we want is to be around that person who makes us feel good. But at what point does it change? I have been guilty of smothering love and I have also felt smothered. My longest relationship was about 4-5 years and I definitely felt smothered in that relationship especially toward the end of it. I remember he (my now ex) convinced me to go to a wedding with him after we broke up or were on the verge of breaking up. He introduced me to a guy who I found quite attractive and I don't know what got into me but I started flirting with the guy. Of course my soon to be ex was livid and that was pretty much the final nail in that relationship. While I will admit that what I was did was extremely disrespectful part of the problem was that he thought he owned me. By...

Today was my first day back at work-unofficially. We had an induction for new employees and I went to offer help. Not sure how much I wrote about it here but last year I was new person so I was excluded from everything since most of my coworkers are pretty much contemporaries. Pretty much experienced the same situation on my last job . We have a different variety of personalities this go around which I think will be a good thing. Of the skeleton staff left a couple of the "mean girls" from last year are trying to ramp up again. Only thing is that I'm not having it. I noticed them leaning in and whispering among themselves during our session and there was definitely a cold shoulder from one who is an obvious brown-noser.  However this year will be different. They were strong because they had a whole "team" playing dirty and I was the one who paid the price during my end of the year review where I was "dinged" for not collaborating. Mind you  they re...

It is the color of light, The shape of sound high in the evergreens It lies suspended in hills, A blue line in  a  red sky. I am looking at sound. I am hearing the brightness Of high bluffs and almond trees I am tasting the wilderness of lakes, rivers, and streams Caught in an angle of song. I am remembering water That glows in the dawn The motion tumbled in earth Life hidden in mounds. I am dancing  a  bright beam of light I am remembering love.

I woke up this morning feeling rested and not in pain. I think my new bed is really helping. I haven't slept in a decent bed in so long until I didn't realize that it could have been a factor in my lack of energy and constant aches and pains. I am also "detoxing" my body by eating home cooking of clean ingredients and trying to drink more water and unsweetened hot tea at night.  I've also cut out alcohol and think I will make that long term change. My liver and kidneys really need a break. This morning I got up had some breakfast, washed up, and started writing thank you notes to my relatives from the trip last month. Yesterday I ordered flowers for Free's wife. I need to go grocery shopping today and tomorrow I have offered to participate in facilitating a new hire orientation at work tomorrow. So yeah my summer is coming to close and while I crossed a lot off of my to do list there is still more to do. My goal is to more organized in every area of my...

I was just looking through my old messages and I know that our love will live on forever. Four years ago he found me on Facebook and we stayed in contact until last month. Conversations have been slightly edited and some removed. He had a weird sense of humor...always trying to make someone laugh. 1/2, 9:22pm FJ : well I left in 95 and came to fla. I went back in 97 and each year I would go to the house (where) you lived. but the results were the same, no you. I searched the dc area up and down. our last conversation i recall you were moving to washington dc did you make it down there? 1/2, 9:38pm each time i go to sf i always go to ocean beach and remember our walks in the water. 1/2, 9:40pm ME:  Yeah, you used to scare me out there ... Can you swim now? FJ: i tried to learn but i still cannot get the hang of it. wow what a memory (smile) ME : Well, glad you learned to drive! LOL Remember you trying ...