Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I am struggling to survive in a world that seems to want to see me down. I thought I was in a good place then suddenly the rug was pulled out from under me. I suddenly went from being amazing and blessed to being someone who doesn't matter. And it makes it more difficult because I am alone. I miss my family. I feel isolated from everyone. I don't have a network. I used to be able to bump into someone on the streets in NY and my spirit would be renewed but not here. I like living in this area. In this complex and apartment even but it doesn't feed my spirit. I don't have the human contact that I need. The human interaction that I need so I don't implode. Which I actually did on Friday. I have been holding so much in and building so much up and it was taking a toll on me in every way. I came home and decided that I am going to quit my job. I called my godmother and spilled my heart out to her about how I was feeling. I felt that it was futile. Instead of having a ...

The depression has now turned inside out and I am just angry. So very angry. I need to make a major change in my life. Now!

There have been many emails, memes, and blog post about what it means to be a Strong Black Woman. Michelle Obama spoke recently about the stereotype of the Angry Black Woman (ABW) but what about the fallacy that we must always be strong? As the product of generations of female headed household, I was raised to be fiercely independent and a SBW. This made me an ABW in the long run. I thought of this when Michelle spoke of being labeled an ABW, but also when I spoke to someone today who told me that her father passed, but she didn't show emotion to her daughters. How the hell do you NOT show emotion when your father dies? It is an unrealistic an unhealthy expectation. Little black girls should NOT be raised to hide their emotions. I know how damaging it was to me. I used to cry at the drop of a hat as a child. They called me sensitive. I was labeled weak. Eventually I learned to hide my emotions. To develop a "poker face." To never "let them see me sweat." I deve...