Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I don't know what is going to happen in the coming months. Everything is up the air at this point. I am not stressed. I am not worried. I just want to make it long enough to get to Cuba. That is my goal at this point. I looked at an apartment this weekend and despite it being much cheaper than my current place I couldn't wrap my head around living there. I really do like my apartment and I am not ready to move yet. I also have been very lax about sending out my resume for a new job. I feel like the universe will figure it all out for me. I typically have a strong feeling one way or another about what I am going to do but I don't have that feeling so I am just letting go and letting it work out on its own. This weekend has been relaxing. I have been resting and writing. I went to the National Harbor with an old friend and it was interesting. The prior weekend I went to brunch with a new friend and I was irritated. I am come to the conclusion that I am a shitty friend. ...

https://youtu.be/TTmPzGjCeG4

I had a beautiful dream last night that I was with someone I clicked with immediately. We were inseparable. I felt safe with him and was completely myself. I woke up feeling like I might be ready to date. Lately my eye has been wandering and I emotionally I've been more vulnerable. Anyway, all of that is to say that I am ready to meet new people, do new things, and enjoy my life to the fullest. I wish I had the type of lifestyle that would allow me to hop a plane to fly to NOLA for red beans and rice - on a whim. There are so many beautiful places in the world and I want to see as many of them as possible. Right now I am drawn to the Southwest. I can live cheaply which will allow me then travel more. I'm sorting some things out in my head.

So, as I suspected I will be leaving my job this year unless something happens. It is bittersweet and I knew I was putting that energy into the Universe every time I said I wanted more. I have waves of indifference and sadness. I know that life has amazing experiences waiting for me on the other side. I had a good run, but now I need to spread my wings. I have been having these very vivid dreams recently. I dreamed about a sunset that was brilliant it lit up a tree like it was on fire. Today, I took a nap and dreamed about home. I dreamed that I was back in the house I grew up in. Back on the street I grew up on. It had changed but it was still home. I woke up crying for my mother. Missing my mother so much. Ideally I will be able to live in California again and travel. Right now I am researching what I am doing next. I might stay in this area for another year. I might to to Philly. Or, I might even consider somewhere in the Southwest like New Mexico. I have everything lo...

It usually takes a big shake up to shake off the funky coat of negativity that has a way of wrapping around you during a visit to the valley. A valley is that low place that we descend into when life has bigger plans for us. It is the place that prepares us for a next chapter. But if we stay in that place too long we start to rot and stink - figuratively and sometimes literally. And this is where we find ourselves. In the sunken place. But, we don't have to stay there. We can live our life in a way that inspires us. That's what I did this past weekend. I had a trip booked to New Mexico and it was just what I needed. I soaked and steamed out all of my tension and toxins. I remembered who I was. I reconnected with nature. I realized that I am not the issue...it is where I am. As soon as I got back to D.C. the negativity crept back in. I have the option to not embrace it. I am going to revel in this good feeling for as long as I can. I thank God for creating such beautiful places ...

I have always been pegged as a rebel - a maverick. Stubborn, hard-headed...difficult. I prefer adjectives such as determined, independent, and tenacious. I know what I want and I am willing to put all of my time and effort into achieving it. This is why I have never given up on my dreams. I have come across obstacles and had to find some detours to get around them but those detours have always lead me back to what I really want in life. My desire in this life is to create and to create freely. I am most happy when I am living outside of the constraints that society has placed on me. I just watched a video of a girl who shaved her shoulder length hair off. She talked about how it is considered an act of rebellion against society. I find that I always cut my hair when I feel constrained. I've been thinking about growing my hair back, but I don't think I am ready yet. I think this act of having short hair is a spiritual act. When I am in a toxic environment that energy sticks to...

I'm out here trying to remember who I am. You see, when people try to kill your spirit you either lay down and die or you dig deep inside of yourself and fight for your life. They may have won the battle but the war is not lost. I wonder what people get out of trying to destroy you? I feel like Sofia from The Color Purple...all my life I've had to fight. And I have. There are been times where I have been exactly where I was meant to be and I was surrounded by love and light and then there have been times like this where I am shrouded in darkness and negativity. I have more critics than supporters. So, I have been investing my time in remembering who I am. What I love, what I am good at, where I feel most at peace. I already mentioned my trip to the desert. I have another amazing trip planned as well. For now, I have decided to not submit my resignation. I will look into transferring out if it is an option and doing something different all together. I just haven't been mot...