Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I will be taking my first "real" trip in years this weekend. I haven't been on an airplane since I left Cali. How many years has that been?  This trip will be to see relatives. My mom's eldest sister is in her 80s. Since I don't get down there often and she doesn't travel who knows when I will see her again? It will be weird because I haven't seen her since either my mom or my aunt died. It has been a very long time. I am hoping that my cousin isn't around. He molested me when I was little and that could be quite awkward and resurface all kinds of stuff in me. We are also going to visit two gravesites: Where my aunt, grandma, and greats are buried in the family plot and where my mom and uncle are buried in the V.A. cemetery. I have never visited either of their gravesites so I don't know how I will react. We are also going to try to visit my great grandma's house. She was a sharecropper so we have to get permission to go on the property. ...

Hello Summer! So glad to see you. I am officially on vacation! Yes! A lot has happened in the past few weeks. I had a lovely weekend and I an preparing to go away to visit relatives soon. Trying to make a good life for myself. God has truly been good to me. Well, just thought I would pop my head in for a minute. Off to do a little blogger elsewhere on the internet.

...and boy am I ready for the freedom that summer offers. I don't look forward to excessive heat and humidity, but in all fairness this spring has been a true spring despite the harsh winter we had. Hoping the humidity remains at bay. The heat in and of itself is tolerable. I wish I could work with people who are easy to work with. This chick I work with is just the worst drama queen I have ever encountered. It is as if she has decided that her life will be miserable and she will do everything in her power to stay miserable. I know that a lot of what I see in her is a reflection of me, but I hope it is the old me and not who I have evolved into over years of self-sabotaging myself. And it seems the more successful I (or anyone except her friends) are at reaching goals, the more sour she becomes. She complains about every.thing. Oh boy is she vindictive! Yet, her life is stagnant. And people at work indulge her. If I wasn't so busy focusing on my own success, then it would b...

Another birthday! I feel great! This past year has been such a blessing and I am walking in favor right now. Yes, there have been some situations that weren't "Kosher" but they didn't deter me because I know I am walking in God's favor. I have no plans. I wish I had taken the day off now so I could enjoy the day, but I will go to work and do what needs to be done. While this old grey mare ain't what she used to be she is getting better every day in every way.

Found beauty today I have been on vacation all week and it has gone by so quickly. I had a full list of things to do. I accomplished many but there are others that will need to carry over into the next break I get or just need to be handled whenever I can get to them. I honestly wouldn't mind one more week to finish everything, but on the other hand I can't stand the down time. It makes me realize who incredibly alone I am. I have time to think and feel.  The loneliness cloaks me and wraps around me until I can't breathe. I have been trying to decide if I am going to move or not. I have had a lot of problems where I am and I should move, but it is too soon so I might extend my lease for a few more months until I can get everything sorted out. I went for a long drive today. Well, the intention was to look for furniture because I haven't even furnished this place. Anyway, considering the fact that it is Easter and a Sunday everything had closed by the time I go out...

I know I have been threatening to do it for a while, but I have finally embarked on my journey to health and wellness. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I also feel like the weight is the main issue that is holding me back from fulfilling my dreams at this point. Every week there is a different ailment and I finally connected the dots and realized that I need to get back on that health train. Last weekend I worked out 3 days and intended to do it again this weekend, but I was so exhausted by Friday that I have just been home sleeping and recharging for the week ahead. I have been eating HORRIBLY lately. Stress eating and just not taking care of myself. On Friday my feet were so swollen they looked like sausages. They still haven't completely returned to normal. Yesterday I slept all day and today I woke up and have been planning for the week ahead. That includes planning my meals. I already started working on meal planning last week, but this week I will do it. I am al...

It seems that I posted about the book by Susan Cain here before but I can't find the post. Quiet is a book by, for, and about introverts. It has really helped me understand why I approach the world the way that I do. Living in a world run by extroverts who won't shut up is exhausting. The daily meetings,  sometimes 2 or 3 in a day in addition to conferences,  trainings,  and other interactive interactions forced upon me drains me. Then when I should be recuperating I have to work on my time off to meet deadlines that are too short to meet. This weekend I couldn't function.  All I did was get my hair done, buy a few groceries,  do a bit of laundry, and get a massage.  No work was done.  No cleaning nor planning.  Why? Because I was so tense I was literally in pain. I wanted the massage yesterday so I could function today but getting my hair done took longer than expected. So I went this morning and it was a spiritual experience. So much came up in...