Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

My father passed away and I didn't cry 'Cause my anger wouldn't let me feel for stranger R.I.P. Walter - 3/29/08

So things have settled in a smooth lull since the last time I typed a post. My move went smoothly and I love my new space! Little miss kitty is still getting used to it and I feel bad about the fact that as soon as she settles into this spot we will be back in NYC in our old place. I miss New York soooo much! Who knew that it had captured my heart! I knew that I would have a greater appreciation for it once I left it. Funny, you have two sets of NY ex-pats out here. First set - they love every smelly, grimy layer of the city and go back every chance they get. Second set - they can take it or leave it and really only go back because their family is still there. I think I fall somewhere in between. I spent most of the weekend shopping and watching DVDs. Since I've been gone I've fallen behind on my movie watching. So far I in love with Dreamgirls and Madagascar. I have a lot of movies to catch up on. Even though I now have cable (included in my rent, thank you very ...

So, I've moved...again! But only until the end of the summer when I plan to move back to my "old life." This new one lost it's shine quite a few months back. Anyway, I am now doing the suburban thing and guess what? I like it! As much as I am a "city girl" the suburbs keep me sane. I can leave my job (which makes me want to cry at times) to come to the peace and quiet of the 'burbs. Of course, when I move back to the BIG city all of that will be a distant memory but that will be something to be dealt with down the road. My aunt (paternal) sent me a tex the other day. Basically she said that I haven't been returning her calls and she doesn't know what is up, etc., etc. The thing is a.) I've been here for over 6 months now and no one in my family has gone out of their way to see about me. I never ask my family for anything but whenever I do I get a no -- hence -- I don't ask my family for anything. The bottomline is, I feel like my...

I think that I can make it...the storm is over now - Kirk Franklin I didn't realize that I haven't posted a blog since last month. Time has been of the essence. In the time that has passed, things have somewhat settled down. Still no laptop. Not sure what the issue is and I even contemplated going with a different company but I want the laptop I ordered. I went to Best Buy and they are selling the same product for about twice as much. So, I took the money I would have spent on a laptop and used it as a downpayment on a used vehicle. That's right...I have wheels now. Can I say how convenient it is to just jump in my ride and go where I need to go without strategizing and planning?! I've also gone ape crazy buying music. in addition to the CDs I bought last month (MJB, Jill Scott, Emily King, Dwele, Ledisi), I've added some of the following to my collection: Raheem Devaughn Kanye West Alicia Keys Maroon 5 Common So far I am IN LOVE with Raheem (again!) and Kanye (alt...

It is official. This is officially the week from hell. Yes, it is HELL WEEK and I am being hazed like a mofo. So far my phone hasn't turned up. I haven't been sleeping well...since the daggone ceiling nearly caved in. I've had so much conflict and loss I need to check the planets to see what on Earth is going on. I thought today was finally going to settle down and go back to being relatively quiet. No such luck. Someon was waiting to do battle with me early this morning. I spent my whole morning trying to stroke their damn ego. If it weren't for the larger picture I would just say it's not even worth it. Follow up: The girl with the room to rent called yesterday. But since I lost my phone and had the service suspended I missed her and she offered the place to someone else. How do I know? Well, as I was riding the train home last evening to call her I saw her get on with her bicycle. Just my luck! The universe is telling me something. Maybe I'm not li...

What the hell??? My coworker...the one who flaked on renting her studio apartment has been discussing my business with our boss! I had a feeling she was going to do that. I mentioned some salary issues to her and she went to boss about it! GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! What the hell is going on around here????

Right now I have so much negativity swirling around me. People act like I owe them something . Please, I am tired of catering to everyone else's whims. My job requires me to give so much of my time and energy. I work too hard to deal with OPP and I have reached the brink. I am starting to shut down emotionally. I am starting to fall back into bad habits. I am becoming sensitive, critical and angry -- all the time . The next stage is for the anger to turn inward and them I become depressed. I don't want that to happen because other people have dumped their crap on me...their issues...their baggage. I've just spent a whole year sorting through my dirty laundry, so to speak, and people are trying to drag me into their drama. There is nowhere for the anger to go. I need a release! EBC Announcer: This is a test...this is only a test..... My girl Jilly from Philly gives it voice: If I gave you sanity For the whole of humanity, Had all the solutions For the pain and poll...