A piece of me
What seems like a lifetime ago I met a guy. I was working my first full time job out of college as a receptionist and I hated it. One day while walking back to the office from lunch I was approached by this guy. Back then guys were always trying to holler and I almost gave him the cold shoulder as usual. That was until I took a good hard look at him. He was gorgeous! He had this incredible smile, smooth brown skin, and a nice body. I was willing to hear him out. He wasn't really "my type" whatever that was as he was wearing a doo-rag out of the house, but other than that he was nice, respectful, and hella cute!
I don't remember if we exchanged numbers that day but it turned out that he lived right across from my job -- in the projects. Also something that would have normally been a deal breaker but there was something that I really liked about this guy.
We started dated and he was one of the sweetest men I have ever been with. I think I might have written about him on here before. He didn't have much. He was rebuilding his life. Before I met him he had hit rock bottom. He was a recovering addict and still attended meeting pretty regularly. He also took on the responsibility of raising his kids alone. He was probably about 25 at the time and had 4 kids. A real winner. But like I said there was something about this guy that didn't align with his background. He defied stereotypes.
So like I said, we started dating and I really liked this guy. He would invite me out of lunch then when his schedule didn't allow it he would come by and give me money for lunch instead. Of course I would have preferred to be with him, but it was such a sweet gesture. He sent me flowers just because. He was amazing!
Around that time my mother was sick a lot and was eventually diagnosed with cancer. He would go with me to the hospital to see her when she was admitted and she seemed to like him well enough. He didn't come from good stock, but he was good looking, polite, and well spoken. I was crazy about him.
We also had foster kids at that time and we would get all of the kids together since they were all about the same age and take them to the beach on his days off. He worked at night at a tourist hotel in the downtown area near the Tenderloin so we would do things together before he went to work then I would drop him off. Sometimes I would come by and bring him lunch. It was a nice relationship. We were really into each other. I think because we spent so much time together I never suspected that he was seeing someone else.
One of my favorite memories of him was going to the beach one night. It was freezing and foggy as always and this fool starts to make his way into the water. I say fool because he couldn't swim! I started to get scared because he was going farther out into the water. At first I stood there frozen in fear because those waves were treacherous. Then I started to slowly make my way out to him. He held me and we started kissing right there in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. We stayed there for what felt like forever. It was magical! God I loved that man!
I don't know why we broke up. Everything was going well. We never fought. But one day he told me he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. I never really understood why. He said it had something to do with his recovery and that his sponsors told him that he was too into me and our relationship was another form of addiction or something to that effect. I have never been one to beg a man to be with me so we parted ways and that was that. I saw him one more time after that. I think I left the job across the street and I moved across the Bay. I remember he came over one night, I made him breakfast, dropped him off, and that was last time I saw him.
I heard from him through Facebook maybe a couple of years ago. He worked for the airlines and he was going to come see me. I refused because he had moved to Florida and was married. I draw the line at married men. Then one of his twin sons was killed and a piece of him just left. He was so broken. A while later he posted that he been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I prayed for him, tried to offer encouragement from a distance. He still flirted with me, but I couldn't figure out what was happening with his marriage. I think they had been going through some things.
We stayed in touch through Facebook and I realized that I never stopped loving him. He was one of the best men I ever dated. He sent me two CDs of music - I guess as a way to remember him when he was gone, but I will never forget him.
Tonight his wife posted on his page that he passed away today. I was numb. Then the tears started flowing and I haven't been able to stop them. I lit some candles, played his CDs, and started writing. I love him so much. I feel like I shouldn't be sad because we haven't seen each other in years. I know that he was ready to go and that he had been smiling that big beautiful smile through the pain. I know he was fighting for all of us who loved him and wanted to keep him here with us. I know that he is free now. He is back with his mother and his son. But it still hurts. I love you Freeman. I'm sorry if I never said it enough, but it never stopped you from loving me. What an amazing man.
What seems like a lifetime ago I met a guy and he never left my heart.
I don't remember if we exchanged numbers that day but it turned out that he lived right across from my job -- in the projects. Also something that would have normally been a deal breaker but there was something that I really liked about this guy.
We started dated and he was one of the sweetest men I have ever been with. I think I might have written about him on here before. He didn't have much. He was rebuilding his life. Before I met him he had hit rock bottom. He was a recovering addict and still attended meeting pretty regularly. He also took on the responsibility of raising his kids alone. He was probably about 25 at the time and had 4 kids. A real winner. But like I said there was something about this guy that didn't align with his background. He defied stereotypes.
So like I said, we started dating and I really liked this guy. He would invite me out of lunch then when his schedule didn't allow it he would come by and give me money for lunch instead. Of course I would have preferred to be with him, but it was such a sweet gesture. He sent me flowers just because. He was amazing!
Around that time my mother was sick a lot and was eventually diagnosed with cancer. He would go with me to the hospital to see her when she was admitted and she seemed to like him well enough. He didn't come from good stock, but he was good looking, polite, and well spoken. I was crazy about him.
We also had foster kids at that time and we would get all of the kids together since they were all about the same age and take them to the beach on his days off. He worked at night at a tourist hotel in the downtown area near the Tenderloin so we would do things together before he went to work then I would drop him off. Sometimes I would come by and bring him lunch. It was a nice relationship. We were really into each other. I think because we spent so much time together I never suspected that he was seeing someone else.
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| This picture is reminds me of something we would do. |
I don't know why we broke up. Everything was going well. We never fought. But one day he told me he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. I never really understood why. He said it had something to do with his recovery and that his sponsors told him that he was too into me and our relationship was another form of addiction or something to that effect. I have never been one to beg a man to be with me so we parted ways and that was that. I saw him one more time after that. I think I left the job across the street and I moved across the Bay. I remember he came over one night, I made him breakfast, dropped him off, and that was last time I saw him.
I heard from him through Facebook maybe a couple of years ago. He worked for the airlines and he was going to come see me. I refused because he had moved to Florida and was married. I draw the line at married men. Then one of his twin sons was killed and a piece of him just left. He was so broken. A while later he posted that he been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I prayed for him, tried to offer encouragement from a distance. He still flirted with me, but I couldn't figure out what was happening with his marriage. I think they had been going through some things.
We stayed in touch through Facebook and I realized that I never stopped loving him. He was one of the best men I ever dated. He sent me two CDs of music - I guess as a way to remember him when he was gone, but I will never forget him.
Tonight his wife posted on his page that he passed away today. I was numb. Then the tears started flowing and I haven't been able to stop them. I lit some candles, played his CDs, and started writing. I love him so much. I feel like I shouldn't be sad because we haven't seen each other in years. I know that he was ready to go and that he had been smiling that big beautiful smile through the pain. I know he was fighting for all of us who loved him and wanted to keep him here with us. I know that he is free now. He is back with his mother and his son. But it still hurts. I love you Freeman. I'm sorry if I never said it enough, but it never stopped you from loving me. What an amazing man.
What seems like a lifetime ago I met a guy and he never left my heart.
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