Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

Center City Philadelphia (Winter 2017) Well friends, here we are. At the end of yet another year. You know what that means...time for a reflection post. I posed these questions last year but since I have don't have any engagement on this blog 👀the questions just sat there collecting dust. So, I will pose the same questions and answer them myself. What were the highlights of 2018?  As you may know I had several extreme low moments balanced by extreme highs this year. My highlight was definitely going to Cuba. That has been on bucket list for most of my adult life. I can't wait to get back to that beautiful island.  What am I most grateful for during 2018? I am most grateful for leaving the job that made me extremely miserable and was sucking the life out of me. I am so blessed to now be in a new job where I feel like I have a fresh start and where I don't have a giant target on my back.  I am also extremely grateful for the financial blessings that ...

I meant to post earlier, I really did. But you know how life is. Eh. Anyway, here I am and nothing really new to report. Still taking life day by day. Standing in God's favor. Trying to live a good life. Remaining in gratitude. Still a bitch at times. Feisty as hell. Bougie, stuck up, and indifferent. Meh. I live it how I get it. I get it how I live it. I had a nice relaxing Christmas. I was on the fence about whether I was going someplace this year but I am content staying home and nesting. I have been doing my winter deep clean. Fortunately not too much since I have been back on track with making sure I do a little something each week. Today I got up early, took a shower, cleaned up, and chilled for the rest of the day. Yesterday (or was it the day before?) I spent the whole day doing laundry. My space is finally starting to look and feel like it should. I still have some projects that I have to tackle as well as some work related tasks. Nothing too pressing though. I'm in ...

I woke up feeling rested but lazy as hell. It's as if my body realizes that it is Saturday even though I have been off work since Wednesday of last week. I've woken up productive on each day but today. Today I am straight up lazy. I need to focus on cleaning and planning out my week. I want to clean then decorate for the holidays. I am so happy to be in a functional frame of mind. I haven't experienced this in a while. I do the best I can. I guess I really didn't realize that my depression is as severe as it is...perspective, right?  And it's not to say that I am not still depressed...just not as deeply depressed I guess. I try to remain functional because I have no other choice. God knows if I had the option I would be curled up under a blanket sleeping the day away otherwise. But I have a cat to feed and bills to pay so here I am. I wonder if depression gets harder to manage as you get older. I know that hiding it gets harder. I do the best that I can. I lov...

You all know I have been struggling with reaching optimal health for years now. I knew that I would reach a point where I would get a wake up call that it is time to take my health and wellness seriously. Well, today I got that wake up call. My doctor's office called and informed me that Houston there is a problem. It is something that I could have prevented (of course) and something that I'm sure I can reverse. It is time for me to stop bullshitting and to take my health seriously. Here is the thing though, had I not left my last job I would be in worse shape than I am now and I honestly think I would have died. I was under so much stress that I wouldn't have gotten my shit together to even face my health issues until a crisis arose. While I am disappointed in myself that I allowed my health to reach this stage, I am proud of myself that I was proactive enough to seek out help before it reached a crisis stage. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me to get healthy again bu...

I love the holidays. Even thought I haven't spent them with family in years I find the time alone peaceful and purposeful. I was so tired. I have been working so hard and to finally have time to stop and catch my breath has been wonderful. I woke up feeling refreshed after sleeping in this morning. Forgetting that feeling of being harshly judged about my past life. This is the life that I was given and I think I have done a damn good job of overcoming a lot of the obstacles I have faced. Shit, at this point I am lucky to have made it this far. And yes, others have suffered far worst than I have, but we do what we can to survive. I am at a point in my life where I am attempting to shift from surviving to thriving. Yes, I've been saying this for years. It has been a slow shift. A small change here, another there, and finally I can start making bigger more impactful changes if God is willing. I am willing to do the work if God allows me to keep going and growing.

For me every day is thanksgiving. I have learned over the years to be grateful for everything...even the smallest of blessings. I can' honestly remember the last time I have celebrated Thanksgiving. Probably since before I left New York I have spent it alone. Resting, recuperating, and reflecting. It was so peaceful today to just relax and not be on a time schedule. I loved it. I had a rough day yesterday. I went to doctor's office for a physical and decided to address some issues that have been lingering but I haven't dealt with because I haven't had the mental capacity to do so in recent years. While it triggered me it didn't send me into a deep depression as it would have done in years past. Growth? In any event it was a kick in the ass to step my shit up and live in a way that is going to keep me on the earth longer. I've got to step out fear and allow myself to do what is best for me. Stay tuned. Currently vibing to...

💏 https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?utm_source=The+Daily+Good&utm_campaign=b01c06ffda-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2018_11_01_10_07&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_cfbed2f865-b01c06ffda-145574257&fbclid=IwAR0cDNWkbCbz8kFLugUoW3wzi-C7SMe3wC1wPiuudftSosRIAeCvnsPd_zg