Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

Thinking about my Free I am so sad. I question my choices in life. I know that I have held every man I have ever been with at arms length. And considering how much emotional trauma I endured as a child it is understandable. But it isn't fair because I know there are men who truly love me but who won't allow to fully love me. Free was definitely one of those men. When I was in my 20s and 30s I was extremely ambitious and I wasn't going to let any man get in the way of reaching my goals. I spent the best years of my life chasing something that wasn't necessarily meant for me. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret my choices necessarily. However I sometimes wonder if I was supposed to be a wife and mother instead. My Free was only 3 years older than I am and he is now gone. Yet, he has a legacy of children and grandchildren to leave behind. Of course my work and what I have created are my legacy but is it enough? There are two men who I regret not trying harder ...

What seems like a lifetime ago I met a guy. I was working my first full time job out of college as a receptionist and I hated it. One day while walking back to the office from lunch I was approached by this guy. Back then guys were always trying to holler and I almost gave him the cold shoulder as usual. That was until I took a good hard look at him. He was gorgeous! He had this incredible smile, smooth brown skin, and a nice body. I was willing to hear him out. He wasn't really "my type" whatever that was as he was wearing a doo-rag out of the house, but other than that he was nice, respectful, and hella cute! I don't remember if we exchanged numbers that day but it turned out that he lived right across from my job -- in the projects. Also something that would have normally been a deal breaker but there was something that I really liked about this guy. We started dated and he was one of the sweetest men I have ever been with. I think I might have written about hi...

The weather this week has been unseasonably cool. It is a bit disconcerting because it really drives home the fact that summer is quickly wrapping up. Yesterday I bought my new bed! Oh yeah! I can't wait to sink down into that baby and dress her up in the new comforter that I bought. I need to find some pretty throw pillows to accessorize it as well. I will get the new bed frame once I am settled into my new place. I have until November to get everything squared away before I have to start paying that chick Sallie back. Oh Sallie  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGOBNnAT7uI . Anyway, the hair salon was closed yesterday so I will head back up to get my hair situated today. Oh, I also think I finally found a dentist. They have a four star rating on Yelp! All of the reviews are positive and there are close to 40 reviews. And it is in the neighborhood. I have to check if my insurance is accepted and if they are taking new patients. That will cross yet another item of my to do list....

Well, July is quickly coming to a close and my mind is focused on preparing for fall. What am I going to wear?  I am dreading the winter. How will I restructure my days so I can be more productive?  What can I do to elevate myself in my career?  These are all of the thoughts that nag at me as we move into August. Today I got an early start, but it was too early because by 10 AM I could barely keep my eyes open. I took a quick nap and now I am trying to plot out my day. I feel like I need a delicious deep foot massage to get my energy flowing. I also need to get my hair shampooed, deep conditioned, and styled. Finally I need a new bed. I hope I can accomplish all of this today. I have also been looking for a new apartment, but it seems that the places online will need to be secured closer to the time I need to move and that isn't until October. I know what I want is comparable to what I have now (minus the plumbing issues and the noise from constant construction). I ...

Man oh man. I have been busy! Talk about making the most out of the glorious summer months... First I went on a week long trip to visit relatives with my aunt. We ran from the time we woke up until well after the sun went day every.single.day of the trip. There were a few snafus and we had some emotional triggers along the way, but all in all it was a great trip. I don't plan to do it again anytime soon, but it was a great trip. I do want to get back down there to visit with a friend from NYC who lives down there. Because my family was around we really didn't get to hang out. I hope to make that happen perhaps for Christmas break when the weather will hopefully be cooler or at least less muggy. I have a picture with my aunt where we are both melting from the heat and humidity. You can't be cute be down there! Honestly, if people knew how truly dysfunctional my family is they would understand why I am they way I am. One interaction took me back to my childhood and it s...