Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I always get emotional when I see how tender some parents are with their children and I hear how affirmative they are to them. I know my parents loved me and I offer them grace because they did the best they could. Yet I can't help but wonder how I would have turned out if I had parents who poured love into me the way some other parents do. My mom was tired and overwhelmed. She was impatient with me as were my teachers. I thought this was how adults treated children. It instilled negative behaviors in me that took years to unlearn. I am still unlearning them. I didn't know that these behaviors were as dysfunctional as they are. If I had been understood rather than beaten with belts and switches when I made simple mistakes. If I had been told that I was amazing, kind, beautiful, powerful, and all of the other affirmative words that parents pour into their children. I felt unwanted and like a fuck up for most of my life but I know that I didn't always feel that way. I look at...

Hola! I have been debating myself as to whether I should retire this blog or not. I'm never sure if it is just an online journal at this point or if I have an audience to write for as well. In any event out of curiosity I decided to see when I started this blog. It has significance for a reason that I won't delve into right now. Coincidentally it was 15 years ago almost to the day that I shut down my previous blog and started this one. Not sure if I ever shared the story of why I felt I needed to do that. It actually would make a good blog. Note to self. There is so much going on in the world right now and I want to document it. I have always been able to get raw and gritty in this space where I remain anonymous although I'm sure a number of long time readers know me personally by now. But if you are still reading then you don't judge me too harshly and I appreciate that.  Hell you even tolerate the numerous typos because you know this is my space to basically b...

I woke up and cleaned up a bit more. I'm not pushing myself so of course I didn't accomplish all I set out to do. I am not ready for vacation to end. I could take the rest of the week off but I won't. I am hoping and praying that the 2 days we have left in the week are easy. January isn't bad in that we work a couple of weeks and then we have MLK Day. Then we push through until President's Day in February. Once it is spring I usually get my spark back and can push through to the finished line. Honestly the hardest part is fall although there is a proposal to add more holidays next year. Whew!!! I didn't cook and now I am starving. I am still on a cleanse so I don't want my first meal of the year to be someone else's cooking. Debating taking a nap then finishing my chores or pushing through. The problem with napping is that I might get too comfortable and that will be that. I should have done some pampering this break. At least a massage. My shoulders a...

Lose 50 lbs by my birthday Keep my home organized by completing weekly projects Eat healthy foods consistently Drink more water Incorporate some form of exercise into my week Budget monthly and spend less Travel more - return to NM, Cuba, Jamaica

I told myself that I wouldn't do any sappy, corny New Year resolution or reflection but I guess it is important to look back in order to move forward. So I took the questions from last year and updated them for 2020. What were the highlights of 2019? Two new travel destinations. I went to Jamaica in April and Cancun in May for my milestone birthday. What am I most grateful for during 2019? I am so grateful for a job that I don't mind going to each day. I do get tired and frustrated but I like my supervisors and a lot of my colleagues. It is so much better than my previous 2 jobs where I was miserable and would cry driving to work. I am also extremely grateful for the financial blessings that have allowed me to reach several of my end of year goals! What is your theme for 2020? Harmony. Lisa Nichols shared a message about balance being a myth. But the gag was that we are really seeking harmony not balance in our lives. I know I want to achieve harmony in my relationsh...

I've been meaning to come on here to write an update but to be perfectly honest the past few months have been rough. All work related so that is a blessing although we also have a family situation happening that is causing a divide. Oh well, what's new? So we are an hour away from 2020! I remember when it was going to be Y2K and I cried. I was scared. Now it is 2020. That's crazy! I have been home trying to clean up and get all of my laundry done. I had a massive mountain of dirty clothes in the hamper that was literally sucking the life out of me. Now that they are washed I am feeling better. There is something to be said for the energy that we carry with us. It is important to cleanse our bodies and clothes of the energy that it picks up when we are around toxic people. Maya Angelou said, Some day we’ll be able to measure the power of words. I think they are things. They get on the walls. They get in your wallpaper. They get in your rugs, in your upholstery, and y...

Today I slept in and feel a bit better emotionally. Still a bit tired physically. Maybe I need a massag but I have some errands to run and work to do around the house. I will feel a lot better if I am ready for the week but I felt so burned out last out. I listened to Cuban and Brazil music last night which lifted my spirits. Discovering the music of Dayme Arocena is one of the best things that could have happened to me. I have to get back to Cuba.