Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

This weekend I did what, in my mind, is a lot. While I slept in Saturday, I did head out to run errands. I have been doing more and more each weekend. I have been back on track with taking care of myself and I realized (no, really realized) how much I have been neglecting my self-care routine. Even in New York at my brokest I would maintain my self-care routine. I would have regular manicure and pedicures, eyebrow waxes or threading appointments, and even hair appointments. When I first moved to this area I maintained that but as I started to slip into depression during the last couple of years I let everything go. Yesterday I went to the mall for a massage, eyebrow threading, and brunch at The Cheesecake Factory. Because I am adjusting my diet I hadn't had pancakes in ages. They were so delicious and the portion was just right. I also bought hair products from Kiehl's and an eyeshadow palette from Urban Outfitters. I can't wait to play in it since I threw out a lot of m...

It took me all of these years to finally seemingly "get my life together." My life is orderly and comfortable. Perhaps it is living in Maryland in particular that causes me to get my &%$@ together. My apartment is clean. I just need to deep clean a couple of areas but my rooms are clean and orderly otherwise. It smells so good in here! I bought some decor items from Walmart and Big Lot other week to add some more homey touches. My wardrobe is a dream come true. I love getting dressed now because I have so many cute clothes that fit my style and my body. So today I focused on getting my car cleaned. I couldn't stand to look at it anymore. It was covered in grime, salt, and bird poo. The inside was equally as filthy. I stopped at the first car wash I saw and got the most expensive cleaning. I realized that I needed a tip so I walked over the 7-Eleven to get money out of the ATM and when I came back they had found an old ATM from another account that must have fallen...

I was sitting here thinking about why I prefer to spend time alone or in an intimate setting with loved one. It came to me suddenly that I have spent the majority of my life in defense mode. I was always being criticized and teased until it must have been coded into my brain that being around others is unsafe. When I am alone I don't have to worry about someone hurting me. I can relax and let down my guard. I don't think I realized it until now. Is it growth or self-awareness? I don't know but I'm tired of always being guarded and wish I could be free.

This past week has been rough. My periods have returned and they are pretty heavy. Along with the period comes the emotional rollercoaster of PMS. This week has been the only week that I have wanted to drink alcohol. Well, I have been able to curb the desire prior to this week but today my mind is all over the place and I just want to fall back into bad habits. I don't know how long it has been since I had a drink and I am unraveling. I'm going to go fix a glass of diet Sprite and see if that helps. Maybe I just need to hydrate. I didn't do anything at all yesterday and today so now I have to scramble tomorrow. I just have to push through.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOe9zR0alO0 Definitely relatable.

First post of the new year! I thought I was going to leave this journal behind since 2018 was such a challenging year for me I am so excited about the changes that I am experiencing that I had to share them. If you recall I had a bit of wake up call regarding how serious my declining health situation was. I had started "letting myself go" and the more stressful my life became the less I took care of my health. I am now in a pretty dire situation but I am hopeful I can turn things around now that I am in a healthier environment, a better state of mind, and ready to make the changes that are necessary to essentially save my own life. You probably thought I was exaggerating when I said that my last job was killing me. NO, it was literally killing me. I starting making changes and my responded positively, but it also sent me signals LOUD and clear that this is serious and I need to do more. My first change has been my diet. I have removed most processed sugars and some pr...

Center City Philadelphia (Winter 2017) Well friends, here we are. At the end of yet another year. You know what that means...time for a reflection post. I posed these questions last year but since I have don't have any engagement on this blog 👀the questions just sat there collecting dust. So, I will pose the same questions and answer them myself. What were the highlights of 2018?  As you may know I had several extreme low moments balanced by extreme highs this year. My highlight was definitely going to Cuba. That has been on bucket list for most of my adult life. I can't wait to get back to that beautiful island.  What am I most grateful for during 2018? I am most grateful for leaving the job that made me extremely miserable and was sucking the life out of me. I am so blessed to now be in a new job where I feel like I have a fresh start and where I don't have a giant target on my back.  I am also extremely grateful for the financial blessings that ...