Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

As I have been purging my space I have reached a sense of peace deep down inside of me. It is amazing how "stuff" can weigh us down. Speaking of weight, I have been losing it. I also had a dental procedure which prevented me from eating, but I had already been on a journey to change my diet. I also know that I am stress eater and with the absence of stress my body has had a chance to reset and function "normally." I need to remember to stay grounded when stressful situations build. I would typically start to feel anxious around this time, but I am peaceful. I have been super productive. There have been days where I have just allowed myself to just be but I am determined to continue to purge my space - clear my energy. I have kept thing so long that they smell old and musty. I am getting rid of so much and the peace that it brings me is amazing. I have been going through old papers and realizing that my memory has failed me about some things. Crazy how our minds wi...

Woke up this morning with a sense of relief. I am sitting here drinking an amazing up of coffee while Miles Davis plays in the background. The weather is absolutely amazing and I will probably go from a walk in the park later this morning. I am still working on getting my life together, but sometimes you need to take a break. I asked for a break with paying my student loans - my second largest expense. I had to do it because I need to take a class to renew my certification and my loan payments had just increased. Something had to give. So I asked for some breathing room. I know that means that I am just making my loans even larger, but eventually I will be in a position to pay them off. I believe that to be true. In the time that I will have free of that monkey, I will use that money to pay off/down my credit cards and put me in a better position to get these loans paid off. That's the plan and I'm sticking to it. Now, back to Miles.

There will come a time in my life when my life will be neatly packaged up and tied up in a bow ready to present to the world. A time when all of the pain and memories of the past will be sweet as honey. A time when I will only remember the good parts and revel in the good times that I've experienced. I am rebuilding my life. The parts that were stolen from me while I was still a child. The parts that were violently ripped away from me as I tried to find my place in this world. There will come a time in my life when smiles will come easily and love will drip from my lips like the nectar from a ripe peach. When kindness will be the norm and not the exception. When my life will match my dreams. When each day will be a new adventure waiting to be experienced. There will come a time when the present will heal the past, fill in empty patches and assuage my soul. One day soon, there will come a time.

I woke up this morning feeling blessed. I had trouble going to sleep last night. I was restless. I know I had cup of coffee much later than I should have, but considering the fact that it didn't perk me up the way I expected I didn't think it was cause me to feel the way I did. I had a lot on my mind. I was also hungry. I had eaten a lunch of chicken and veggies and didn't think that I was really hungry but I was. I didn't want to eat what I have in the house. I had eggs and chicken. I had a strong urge to not consume flesh. It was so strange. Even when I was a vegan I never experienced that feeling. So, I got up and made a Basmati pulao. I am indeed on a journey. I am still trying to figure all of this out. I came to the realization that I have been stressed about my future because I keep trying to dictate what is going to happen. In the past I have let go and let God handle it. I talk the talk, but I am really letting God handle it? So with that said, I have anoth...

My relationship with money has been interesting. I was told that I wasn't good in math, but I could manage to keep track of money. When I was little my relatives would send me money that was to go into savings. My mom, who actually was NOT good with money, would take my money and "invest" it into the household. I never had an allowance until I went to high school when my mom would give me "pocket money" that I needed to budget for bus fare, lunches, and snacks. We had an open campus so every day I would pool my money with my friends and we would get something together. I also started to earn my own money when I finally turned old enough to get a work permit and I would use that money to buy my own clothes and personal items since my decided that she was no longer buying those things for me. Eventually she even had me pay one of the smaller household bills (trash, water, etc.) When I was little my mother was always "broke." We never had extra money an...

The universe will send you the information that you need when you are ready to receive it. I have experienced this a lot this past week. First in the form of coming across my mother's writing about her life as I was purging old papers in an attempt to reorganize my closet (and my life!)  It was as if my mom was speaking directly to me and it became crystal clear that I am indeed my mother's child. Here is what I wrote: My goal this summer was to get my life in order. Like, really in order. Organize, purge, reflect, focus on me. Heck, I even have a budget! I've got goals, man! I haven't done that in .... probably ever, but I was intent on doing it this summer. I mean, I've set goals before, but this is different. One of my projects was to release whatever doesn't serve me. I plan to clear out my closet tomorrow and make room for new blessings. The past two days have been spent shredding papers to the point that my Shredder burned out. Years of paper accumulate...

I was just reading a story on Facebook posted by one of my old college professors about a heartless beating that occurred at a BART station. It made me think about Francia Young, a young woman who was senselessly murdered shortly after we graduated from college. She wasn't a close friend but I definitely knew her either from classes, choir, or acquaintances. She was sweet "churchy" girl who should have never lost her life in such a tragic way. I couldn't remember her name or which BART station she had been kidnapped from so I let Google do a search. I wasn't sure if it would find anything because it happened before the internet was really popular. This was back in Netscape and AOL dial up days. Well, to my surprise the court records pulled up. So here is what happened according to the court records from 2012  [pdf] from the appeals trial of one of the alleged murderers.  For the record the death sentence was upheld.  A jury convicted defendant Keith Tyson Tho...