I am so blessed
I woke up this morning feeling blessed. I had trouble going to sleep last night. I was restless. I know I had cup of coffee much later than I should have, but considering the fact that it didn't perk me up the way I expected I didn't think it was cause me to feel the way I did. I had a lot on my mind. I was also hungry. I had eaten a lunch of chicken and veggies and didn't think that I was really hungry but I was. I didn't want to eat what I have in the house. I had eggs and chicken. I had a strong urge to not consume flesh. It was so strange. Even when I was a vegan I never experienced that feeling. So, I got up and made a Basmati pulao. I am indeed on a journey.
I am still trying to figure all of this out. I came to the realization that I have been stressed about my future because I keep trying to dictate what is going to happen. In the past I have let go and let God handle it. I talk the talk, but I am really letting God handle it?
So with that said, I have another interview today. While I've had several invitations to interview, I've only gone on two other interviews. I figure I need the practice since I have been out of the game for four years now! If I stay on I will be in my 5th year. I will be adding a commute and taking a pay cut all in the name of praying I land in a soft spot. I have been going hard for an organization that doesn't value what I bring to the table. I have worked enough jobs where I am just there to collect a paycheck and it is mind-numbing and miserable. The lack of joy is pervasive. My fear is that I will turn into the rest of my coworkers who show up each day really to cash their bi-weekly check and use their benefits. I have tried changing my attitude, praying, meditating, reading self-help books, and saying affirmations. But the more positive I would be the harder they would come for me. I mean, my coworkers are nasty and mean. Some of the worst I have had to encounter. So, I'm working through it and focused on my personal growth. Today's centering though is "I create my reality." I love it!
I love the life that I have created. I think I was bothered so much by what was happening to me at work because I had a plan established and what was happening to me seemed to threaten that plan. What I failed to realize is that the Universe has already set into motion what is to happen in my life. I just have to do my part. I also realized through this process that I have so much more work to do within myself. I have bad habits to clean up and items that need to be released. Old feelings to let go of and negative memories to bury.
Which brings me to why I sat down to write this this morning when I should be getting myself ready for this interview. I debated whether I need to stay put and continue this journey of personal growth or would it be better to start fresh where I don't have a sour history. I am literally working in an environment where I don't trust a soul and no one has my back. It is a toxic environment and it takes everything in me to counter it. I wind up exhausted from having to deflect the proverbial darts and daggers that are being aimed at me. Had I been a weaker person they would have destroyed my self-esteem. I know who I am and I know what I bring. One coworker told me to be humble. Say what? I will love myself because I know what I have invested in and what I bring to the table. If you don't then that is your problem and you can sit over in the corner eating your humble pie and collecting your check. As for me, I will revel in the infinite expanse of the Universe. Contrary to popular belief there is enough for everyone.
I am still trying to figure all of this out. I came to the realization that I have been stressed about my future because I keep trying to dictate what is going to happen. In the past I have let go and let God handle it. I talk the talk, but I am really letting God handle it?
So with that said, I have another interview today. While I've had several invitations to interview, I've only gone on two other interviews. I figure I need the practice since I have been out of the game for four years now! If I stay on I will be in my 5th year. I will be adding a commute and taking a pay cut all in the name of praying I land in a soft spot. I have been going hard for an organization that doesn't value what I bring to the table. I have worked enough jobs where I am just there to collect a paycheck and it is mind-numbing and miserable. The lack of joy is pervasive. My fear is that I will turn into the rest of my coworkers who show up each day really to cash their bi-weekly check and use their benefits. I have tried changing my attitude, praying, meditating, reading self-help books, and saying affirmations. But the more positive I would be the harder they would come for me. I mean, my coworkers are nasty and mean. Some of the worst I have had to encounter. So, I'm working through it and focused on my personal growth. Today's centering though is "I create my reality." I love it!
I love the life that I have created. I think I was bothered so much by what was happening to me at work because I had a plan established and what was happening to me seemed to threaten that plan. What I failed to realize is that the Universe has already set into motion what is to happen in my life. I just have to do my part. I also realized through this process that I have so much more work to do within myself. I have bad habits to clean up and items that need to be released. Old feelings to let go of and negative memories to bury.
Which brings me to why I sat down to write this this morning when I should be getting myself ready for this interview. I debated whether I need to stay put and continue this journey of personal growth or would it be better to start fresh where I don't have a sour history. I am literally working in an environment where I don't trust a soul and no one has my back. It is a toxic environment and it takes everything in me to counter it. I wind up exhausted from having to deflect the proverbial darts and daggers that are being aimed at me. Had I been a weaker person they would have destroyed my self-esteem. I know who I am and I know what I bring. One coworker told me to be humble. Say what? I will love myself because I know what I have invested in and what I bring to the table. If you don't then that is your problem and you can sit over in the corner eating your humble pie and collecting your check. As for me, I will revel in the infinite expanse of the Universe. Contrary to popular belief there is enough for everyone.
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