Deliver me
This past week was horrible! I've spent the whole weekend trying to shake it, but I still feel tightness and tension in my brow and my eyes are lifeless.
I have no real joy in my life. I still smile and laugh at times, but not often enough. At the center of my discontentment is my environment. I need to get out of here! This apartment. This neighborhood. This job trajectory. I shouldn't say it because it seems ungrateful. I almost lost everything this past year. I am now finally getting stable and it seems like someone always wants to make life more complicated than it has to be. Can I live? Got damn!
I do my best to live a righteous life. I mind my own business. Try to take care of my obligations and even try to help others when and if I can. Yet, it always seems that I am at battle with someone about bullshit. I just want to live a peaceful life. I am surrounded by people who thrive on drama. I have been seriously contemplating moving to another state where people are content to just be.
Moving is expensive. I also need another year to finally feel stable enough to make some moves. In the meantime I have to deal with careless neighbors and constant abuse at work. It is enough to kill you spiritually.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. In a month I will be on vacation. I had been debating whether I should take on a second job over the summer. I have decided to spend the time instead focusing on me. Losing weight, getting healthy, taking care of all of my doctor and dentist appointments that have fallen by the wayside. Most of all traveling. I need an escape. I get to get out of here. I need to be exposed to other people and places. Other experiences. Maybe I will find joy again. Maybe I will find inner peace again.
Ideally I would be in a different place each week - even if it was a day trip to Philly, Jersey Shore, DC, or Boston.
I want to hit up NOLA for the Essence Festival. I want to hit a Caribbean Island. Of course I want to spend time in Cali with family soaking up the warm California sun and feeling the breezes blowing in over the wonderful Pacific. Nothing else like it. Hopefully I can go to Hawaii or another island in the Pacific. I want to be free.
Of course it all sounds well and good, but I still have my apartment situation hanging over my head. I don't want to renew my lease, but I haven't found a place that has wowed me yet. I also to think about boarding for my cat. While I am off seeing the world she will be alone.
I need to be free! Hopefully it will all fall into place and I can release all of this stress and strain I have been under. I remember how peaceful I looked and felt after my last vacation. I want that again. I hate walking around looking pissed off ALL THE TIME. Even as I type this my forehead is furrowed. I need to relax. I need enough energy to pamper myself.
When I worked downtown I would go get a massage, pedi, or mani after a stressful day. I work in an area now where these types of services are not as readily available or are more expensive than they were downtown. I don't even have the energy to go on the weekends either.
It takes all that left in me at the end of the day to drag myself home. I literally have no energy left to do anything. If I can sleep in on the weekends (if my neighbors don't wake me) I can manage to wash clothes and go grocery shopping. That's about it.
I had been trying to force myself to do extras like go see a movie or walk around downtown, but those times are far and few. I wouldn't go so far as to say I am stuck, but I am definitely unmotivated. I can muster a little more energy when I take my vitamins regularly, but not much.
I am heavy, out of shape, burning out, and overstimulated by my surroundings. I could seriously pitch a tent in the woods and just sit there listening to the sounds of nature for a week and be perfectly happy. Maybe I should add the Adirondacks to my list of destinations. I need peace. Deliver me.
I have no real joy in my life. I still smile and laugh at times, but not often enough. At the center of my discontentment is my environment. I need to get out of here! This apartment. This neighborhood. This job trajectory. I shouldn't say it because it seems ungrateful. I almost lost everything this past year. I am now finally getting stable and it seems like someone always wants to make life more complicated than it has to be. Can I live? Got damn!
I do my best to live a righteous life. I mind my own business. Try to take care of my obligations and even try to help others when and if I can. Yet, it always seems that I am at battle with someone about bullshit. I just want to live a peaceful life. I am surrounded by people who thrive on drama. I have been seriously contemplating moving to another state where people are content to just be.
Moving is expensive. I also need another year to finally feel stable enough to make some moves. In the meantime I have to deal with careless neighbors and constant abuse at work. It is enough to kill you spiritually.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. In a month I will be on vacation. I had been debating whether I should take on a second job over the summer. I have decided to spend the time instead focusing on me. Losing weight, getting healthy, taking care of all of my doctor and dentist appointments that have fallen by the wayside. Most of all traveling. I need an escape. I get to get out of here. I need to be exposed to other people and places. Other experiences. Maybe I will find joy again. Maybe I will find inner peace again.
Ideally I would be in a different place each week - even if it was a day trip to Philly, Jersey Shore, DC, or Boston.
I want to hit up NOLA for the Essence Festival. I want to hit a Caribbean Island. Of course I want to spend time in Cali with family soaking up the warm California sun and feeling the breezes blowing in over the wonderful Pacific. Nothing else like it. Hopefully I can go to Hawaii or another island in the Pacific. I want to be free.
Of course it all sounds well and good, but I still have my apartment situation hanging over my head. I don't want to renew my lease, but I haven't found a place that has wowed me yet. I also to think about boarding for my cat. While I am off seeing the world she will be alone.
I need to be free! Hopefully it will all fall into place and I can release all of this stress and strain I have been under. I remember how peaceful I looked and felt after my last vacation. I want that again. I hate walking around looking pissed off ALL THE TIME. Even as I type this my forehead is furrowed. I need to relax. I need enough energy to pamper myself.
When I worked downtown I would go get a massage, pedi, or mani after a stressful day. I work in an area now where these types of services are not as readily available or are more expensive than they were downtown. I don't even have the energy to go on the weekends either.
It takes all that left in me at the end of the day to drag myself home. I literally have no energy left to do anything. If I can sleep in on the weekends (if my neighbors don't wake me) I can manage to wash clothes and go grocery shopping. That's about it.
I had been trying to force myself to do extras like go see a movie or walk around downtown, but those times are far and few. I wouldn't go so far as to say I am stuck, but I am definitely unmotivated. I can muster a little more energy when I take my vitamins regularly, but not much.
I am heavy, out of shape, burning out, and overstimulated by my surroundings. I could seriously pitch a tent in the woods and just sit there listening to the sounds of nature for a week and be perfectly happy. Maybe I should add the Adirondacks to my list of destinations. I need peace. Deliver me.
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