To all of the beautiful men I've loved

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 I wrote a post a while ago about the men I have loved in my life. As I heal and grow to recognize what constitutes a healthy and unhealthy relationship I realize that I had no business being with any of them. It's not to say that someone needs to be perfect and without flaws, however I intentional sought out and attracted men with flaws. I could not recognize a healthy relationship because I never spent time with people who had healthy relationships. I could not attract a healthy man to me because he could see immediately that I was/am a hot mess and would immediately go the other way. 

As time goes on I am getting better about recognizing men who have the qualities that I need, but I am still stuck in my old patterns and will continue to sabotage relationships with my shortsightedness (I think I made that word up). To be more than halfway through my life and just now recognizing how my own toxicity has played into my past relationships. I take responsibility for the damage. I did not know how to navigate a relationship. I did not have the communication or the coping skills. I would like to try again but as I said before I seem to only be attracted to unavailable men. Red flag for me. I suck at this. 

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