Just feel it

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Today I took the time to just feel. I stayed in and allowed my feelings to come and go as they pleased. It came in ebbs and waves. I cried and laughed. I am a mess. But it's O.K. I am living. I just want to be loved and loved deeply. I miss that connection. But for now. I am just feeling.
Montego Bay, Jamaica V.I. 2019

Interlude:

I have loved beautiful men in my lifetime. Yet I have married no one. I am at the half century of my life and I have no one to love. I think about all of the beautiful men in my life who has passed through that I never allowed to fully love me. 

There was one particularly beautiful man. I was not ready for him emotionally. He was incredibly beautiful inside and out. He was a personal trainer and he had a gorgeous daughter that he was raising. I had just lost my mother and brother within months of each other and I was a mess. But he was a beautiful man. I wasn't in a place to allow him into my life. He introduced me to Celia Cruz and Jose Alberto. He introduced me to salsa and I have been in love with it ever since. 

My life is like the chapters of a beautifully written novel. 

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