Protecting my peace at all costs

-

Beautiful and peaceful Jamaica
My goal this year is to protect my peace. I am in a very different mind space and do not wish to be pulled into a vortex of negativity. I woke up this morning realizing that I let a lot of important things go because I did not have the mental capacity to deal with them. My mental state was so compromised it impacted me physically. It has been years since I have lived. No, I mean really lived. I knew I was in a bad place but I didn't realize how deep in I was. It is as if a veil has been lifted and I am exposed to sunlight after being imprisoned. I want to stay in the light. This most recent depression was different from the other deep depressions I experienced which is why I thought I was just functionally depressed and not severely depressed. But I wasn't functioning. I was barely functioning. I think as black people we take our mental health for granted.

It was only by the grace of God that I was lifted up out of that situation that was killing me and placed in the light. God's favor has been on me ever since. I am so grateful to have come out of the dark place. God has placed me in a position to see and experience his wondrous creation. To see beautiful places and reconnect with the earth. I missed that.

I want to remain the light. I want to stay in a place of peace. I want to protect my peace at all costs.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Goal Setting

-
Had my goal setting meeting with bosses. We are keeping the same goals as last year. I will still casually browse around for a job, but I feel relatively confident that I am safe - for now. Now, my goals for the summer include but aren't limited to: Get my apartment deep cleaned and redecorated Clear out storage unit Travel (even if locally) Take lots of photos: Do a neighborhood project where I shoot different blocks and neighborhoods each day.  Go to Brooklyn - a lot! Go to lots of free concerts Score lots of rush tickets to see Broadway shows Hit the gym, swim, walk, and bike Write, write, write! Get to one of those Korean spas I keep hearing about Stay on top of my pedicures and massages Watch plenty of sunrises and sunsets Get back to living a clean life Rediscover joy Go to the beach - a lot! Laugh - a lot! Get my finances in order Catch up on the magazines that have piled up Catch up on the books that have piled up Takes lots of relaxing baths Have f...
Read more

My baby has crossed the rainbow bridge

-
I know a few of your have been lurking here for years. So you know that I had a sweet little fur baby who I loved very much and who has moved with me from city to city since I've had her. It is with much sadness that I must report that my sweet girl was put to sleep to on Monday. She was getting up in age and had several medical conditions that warranted putting her to sleep. Her quality of life had deteriorated and I was no longer able to care for her the way she needed to be cared for. Her vet wanted her put down a while ago but because I have my issues with grief and abandonment I wasn't ready. I think getting therapy for the short time that I did was helpful with getting me over the hump to move forward. I know it was the right thing to do and she went so peacefully that it helped me know that I made choice.  I miss my girl. I look for her because we have never been apart for long periods of time. There are people who don't understand the connection that humans have to ...
Read more

Took a break

-
I have been so busy trying to keep all of the balls in the air. Then I got sick. I haven't been this sick in a while. My allergies turned into an upper respiratory infection and I am still coughing as I try to clear out my bronchial passages. I've also started juicing to help support the recovery and have lost 15 lbs. I haven't had much of an appetite, so I drink fresh juice from the juice bar to keep my energy up. I could definitely keep this up for a while then transition back into a pescaterian diet. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Read more