Why I don't have kids
People often wonder why I don't have kids. It was a personal choice. I didn't have the best childhood. It wasn't the worst either, but there were all forms of abuse that shaped my development. I am speaking on this now because I just received my father's death certificate. My dad died 9 years ago. My (half) sister never sent me a copy of the death certificate nor told me the cause of death. I was like Tupac about the situation "my anger wouldn't let me feel for a stranger." My dad wasn't part of my life for most of my life. He was a chronic drug abuser. So when I got the death certificate it shouldn't have shocked me that the cause of death was drug overdose, but it still hurt. My dad had his own set of emotional issues. He just chose to self-medicate. I always felt like he chose drugs over me and that it was a selfish decision.
So, what does this have to do with me having kids? I simply chose to not bring children into a world that is unstable. My mom was a functioning alcoholic and my dad was a non-functioning drug user. My brother was also an alcoholic. I started drinking at around 10 when I was left home alone. I started having sex with boys around age 14 and got pregnant around 17. My boyfriend and I either aborted or lost 2 more babies during our relationship. I made a conscious choice not have his children for several reasons. One was he lacked ambition (and education) and I didn't want to live a life of poverty and powerlessness. The second reason was that I had my own dreams and being a young mother wasn't part of them. The third reason was that he was physically abusive and I refused to bring a child into the world under those circumstances. I did not want to be a single mother because I didn't want my child to have the same the experiences I did.
I am clear about my choice and I stand by my decision to not bring children into those situations. I like the life I have lived thus far. Considering my circumstances I have done well for myself. People don't know this part of me because I keep it private. Everything that I do is calculated. Every choice is intentional.
God placed me here to make an impact on the lives of others. I think I face so much adversity in my life because I was placed here for a purpose. I overcame the abuse in my childhood and I can help change the direction of the others who need healing and tough love. Life for me ain't been no crystal staircase but I've done the best I can.
So, what does this have to do with me having kids? I simply chose to not bring children into a world that is unstable. My mom was a functioning alcoholic and my dad was a non-functioning drug user. My brother was also an alcoholic. I started drinking at around 10 when I was left home alone. I started having sex with boys around age 14 and got pregnant around 17. My boyfriend and I either aborted or lost 2 more babies during our relationship. I made a conscious choice not have his children for several reasons. One was he lacked ambition (and education) and I didn't want to live a life of poverty and powerlessness. The second reason was that I had my own dreams and being a young mother wasn't part of them. The third reason was that he was physically abusive and I refused to bring a child into the world under those circumstances. I did not want to be a single mother because I didn't want my child to have the same the experiences I did.
I am clear about my choice and I stand by my decision to not bring children into those situations. I like the life I have lived thus far. Considering my circumstances I have done well for myself. People don't know this part of me because I keep it private. Everything that I do is calculated. Every choice is intentional.
God placed me here to make an impact on the lives of others. I think I face so much adversity in my life because I was placed here for a purpose. I overcame the abuse in my childhood and I can help change the direction of the others who need healing and tough love. Life for me ain't been no crystal staircase but I've done the best I can.
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