In a world gone mad

I'm over it all. I am so sad today and it is because everything that is happening in the world is compounding. I swear, God is trying His hardest to get the attention of the pod people who are running around chasing imaginary characters on their phone. We have people leaving this earth in droves. It hits close to home too because the city and neighborhood where a lot of the tension is erupting is where my family is from. My grandmother is gravely ill. I am out of touch with just about everyone. My weight is completely out of control. The people I do interact with are shady as hell. You know how people love to say that "fat people" aren't happy or you can't be happy if you are fat. All lies. The reason fat people  are unhappy is because other people try to make them unhappy. This coworker invited me out and proceeded to make at least two digs about me. It makes me question who can be trusted. Which is why I am content to be alone most of the time. If I didn't have to work I would probably be a hermit. People are mean for no reason and I don't know if it is where I live or if people in general are just meaner these days.

I have been thinking about doing a complete cleanse this week. Water, fruit, veggies. That's it. But with everything that is happening I feel that it will open me up spiritually and make me even more sensitive to what is happening around me. I know that I need to find healthier ways of coping with pain and discomfort and I need to start now so I have enough time to make it a habit. I need to find a sage smudge and do a deep clean of my home to help shift my energy. I already have a large organization project under way.

I also want to start doing yoga (for real this time), swimming, and working out at a nice gym facility. I still want to find a bike. I want to get active again. I think it will help with my mental health if I have someplace to look forward to going (the pool or the gym.) I have to lose at least 20 lbs. to get below this threshold that I never should have reached and then I can work on losing from there. I never would have thought that I could gain this much weight. I am going to focus on getting back to where I belong and getting all of my health related issues together this summer.

I put so many things on hold while I waited for my finances to get in order. Now that I have gotten back on track everything else needs to be dealt with. I have to get myself in a place where I am ready to take on anything that is thrown my way. There is so much I have been fighting over the past few years. There is a shift in the universe and all I want to do is run and hide. It's always something in this life.

I have been considering buying  a home and have been working toward building my credit to do so. I am thinking that once I reach that point I will leave this area and buy a home in an area where housing is cheaper so I will have equity. If I like the area I will stay and if not I will at least have home ownership on my credit report and as something else to cross off of my bucket list. Plus, I can travel more once I move someplace with a lower cost of living. One more step towards being considered a responsible adult, I guess. Being an adult is overrated.