The Warmest December
This month the weather was been so warm. No scarves, gloves, or winter coats thus far. Yet, my anxiety is ramping up. I had another bout of anxiety this morning. I feel like everything is off-kilter aw work and I don't know how to regain control. I have mentally given up. At the end of each day I am ready to cry and feel like a failure. I know this is by design because despite my problems at my last two jobs I was a leader in my field and now I am being made to feel as if I am a loser. And it is taking a toll on me physically and mentally. I did nothing all weekend except stress eat and the only time I feel at peace is when I am sleeping. Otherwise my mind feels full and even though my body isn't exhausted my mind is weary. I was suffering from pains in my abdomen and thought I might have to have surgery. I have changed my diet to exclude most land animals. If I eat it I am limiting it to once a week or so. It hasn't really helped so far but I am going to try to stick to it.
I am contemplating moving out of the state again. Finding a place where my money will go farther. I was just watching Missy Lynn's video about saving and budgeting. I was doing that until the rug was pulled out under my feet and my pay step was withheld. I had to use up my savings and now I am trying to figure out how I can rearrange my finances so my head is above water each month.
I know that things like mani/pedis are necessities as are massages. They keep me sane and as it turns out a 30 minute massage actually got rid of the pain I had for what seemed like weeks. I thought it was something else and it turned out to be a pressure point. I don't know how people survive without massages and mental health days. Anyway, I am thinking of another major city that I haven't lived in yet. I need to visit it first to get a feel for it. I know for a fact that the cost of living is much lower there and I wouldn't be stuck in my current career as the only option there.
I truly believe that 2016 will be a better year for me. That God will restore my faith and will restore me - financially, mentally, and physically. I know that he will work everything out and my enemies will start to fade away. He will place me in a position that I have earned and He will bring people into my life who will love me, respect me, and understand me. Right now I am so alone and I feel misunderstood. I feel like so many people are working against me. I know I need to change my mindset but there is no balance in my life.
Hopes for the new year:
-I want to indulge in my passions more. I want to write and work in theater again.
-I want to get my finances back to a place where I am able to live comfortably and SAVE money.
-I want to find loving relationships.
-I want to be physically fit and healthy again.
I'm sure I have posted these before and for a short while I will have them but I want them to be long term. I want to be happy. Like overflowing with joy kind of happy. I want to feel like a I matter and if I was to leave the earth tomorrow that someone would notice and care.
I am contemplating moving out of the state again. Finding a place where my money will go farther. I was just watching Missy Lynn's video about saving and budgeting. I was doing that until the rug was pulled out under my feet and my pay step was withheld. I had to use up my savings and now I am trying to figure out how I can rearrange my finances so my head is above water each month.
I know that things like mani/pedis are necessities as are massages. They keep me sane and as it turns out a 30 minute massage actually got rid of the pain I had for what seemed like weeks. I thought it was something else and it turned out to be a pressure point. I don't know how people survive without massages and mental health days. Anyway, I am thinking of another major city that I haven't lived in yet. I need to visit it first to get a feel for it. I know for a fact that the cost of living is much lower there and I wouldn't be stuck in my current career as the only option there.
I truly believe that 2016 will be a better year for me. That God will restore my faith and will restore me - financially, mentally, and physically. I know that he will work everything out and my enemies will start to fade away. He will place me in a position that I have earned and He will bring people into my life who will love me, respect me, and understand me. Right now I am so alone and I feel misunderstood. I feel like so many people are working against me. I know I need to change my mindset but there is no balance in my life.
Hopes for the new year:
-I want to indulge in my passions more. I want to write and work in theater again.
-I want to get my finances back to a place where I am able to live comfortably and SAVE money.
-I want to find loving relationships.
-I want to be physically fit and healthy again.
I'm sure I have posted these before and for a short while I will have them but I want them to be long term. I want to be happy. Like overflowing with joy kind of happy. I want to feel like a I matter and if I was to leave the earth tomorrow that someone would notice and care.
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