Is this normal?

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As I look back over my Novembers past I see a trend. I am in rut. Every.single.fall. I am unmotivated, uninspired, and don't want to interact with anyone. If I could hibernate until spring I would. S.A.D. is real. I need to find a way to reenergize. I need to find a way to feel inspired again. I am tired of my energy and moods being up and down. I wish I could be energetic and bubbly. I wish I was the type of person who could reach deep down inside and fake it to make it. It is a beautiful sunny day out. It was yesterday as well and I don't want to leave my apartment. My apartment is clean and my clothes are washed an ready for the week ahead. I cooked chicken and chicken soup yesterday and cleaned up a bit but that was all I had the energy to do. I got up and made pancakes for breakfast. I need to go grocery shopping and I am long overdue for a pedicure, eyebrow wax, and massage. Yet, I can't find the motivation to leave. I just want to stay home. Worst case scenario I will just run all of my errands after work next week. My cousin is supposed to be in town for a conference which is right next door to my complex. That will be nice because he is my new cousin in the sense that I didn't meet him until we took the trip down south. He is the grandson of my uncle. The following week is Thanksgiving. Can you believe it? So this year is wrapping up and I have no idea what goals to set for the new year especially since I can't find the motivation to do anything.  I think the fact that I failed so miserably on my evaluation really knocked me a loop and I have to reevaluate my life. I have been trying for so many years to prove that I am good at my job and right out the gate I have failed. So maybe I really do suck at my job and I should move on so someone who is better at it can take my place. I am tired of fighting. God knows I tried to make it work but sometimes you just have to accept defeat. I am at that point. Perhaps I am just OK and not good at what I do. I hear mixed messages. I am told that I am good but on paper it doesn't translate. So which is it? Killing myself for what? I don't want to stop trying but maybe it is the same premise as in college when you would put all of this thought and effort into a writing a paper and get a C but the paper you wrote on the fly the night before pulls an A. Maybe I should stop caring and stop giving it so much power over my my life.

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