Strange place
I've been in strange frame of mind lately. Typically as the seasons change one would expect to be in better spirits. I have been shifting between loneliness and defeat. Not completely depressed but having bouts of self-doubt and self-deprecation. Replaying perceived mistakes in my life. Doubting the work that I do. I had a dream that has just tugged at me and made me wonder if I should leave this line of work for once and for all.
I have also been sick. This may be the cause of all of these mixed emotions. I've been sick for a while now that I think back. I think I just got used to it. I think I was better for a while but this last bout was a respiratory infection that I suspect developed not a mild case of bronchitis. I slept a lot over the past few days. I have taken so many days off work and most were because of these serious illnesses or dental work. Perhaps they are connected since I do still need to get oral surgery done so I can finish treatment on that final cavity. I am just trying to save up enough money to get it done which has been difficult with my student loan payments and all of the other expenses that have cropped up - car insurance payment, ect...
I also have to get my car repaired and I have been trying to update my wardrobe for the spring since I have gotten rid of so many clothes or don't love what is in my closet anymore. I'm also trying to figure out how I am going to get another job. I hate the prospect of having to put myself out there but another year of being sick and stressed out all of the time doesn't look appealing to me.
So, with all of that I have decided that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and I am making slow changes to improve my diet. I have been blending up smoothies (I had one this morning) and I also made a big pot of chicken soup. It is sooooooo good! I know for a fact that my home cooking is much better for my body than eating out. I know that I am using quality ingredients and I am not over salting my food like they often do in restaurants. The desire to cook at home often dies down in the summer but I can do salads, etc. I just know that I have to lose weight and I have to improve my health. I also suspect that the air quality at work is not ideal since other coworkers have also been complaining about respiratory issues as well. I think that once I am able to breathe, drop a few pounds, and keep my energy up I will be motivated to go out and exercise. It is a gorgeous day today but it is chilly so I doubt I will head out. Plus I don't want to overdo it since yesterday was the first day I felt good so I cleaned, did laundry, and ran a lot of errands. It kind of wore me out. I have a couple more errands to run today right after I finish this post and balance my budget. Looking forward to spring finally arriving. Stocking up on my allergy meds so I don't have a second round of bronchitis.
I seem to think that there is a spiritual connection to the congestion. I can't fully explain it right now but there has to be more to this. I feel like every area of my life is congested - my finances, my health, my career, my relationships, etc. I know that a blessing is on the way. I just need to figure out how to manifest what I desire. Been trying to do the Oprah/Deepak meditation series but having trouble concentrating. Trying to add daily devotionals but can't focus. Honestly, I just want to travel. I want to see the rest of the world and take photographs, and write about my experiences. I live a comfortable life and I am not complaining at all. I've wanted this life for so long. But I want more. I want to explore. I don't pursue any of my passions any more and that leaves me empty. I mean, I'm not walking around here like Sad Sack but I want to feel passionate about beauty. I don't know. I guess I am just rambling at this point. Maybe I will work on my vision board for an hour or two today while listening to something motivational.
I have also been sick. This may be the cause of all of these mixed emotions. I've been sick for a while now that I think back. I think I just got used to it. I think I was better for a while but this last bout was a respiratory infection that I suspect developed not a mild case of bronchitis. I slept a lot over the past few days. I have taken so many days off work and most were because of these serious illnesses or dental work. Perhaps they are connected since I do still need to get oral surgery done so I can finish treatment on that final cavity. I am just trying to save up enough money to get it done which has been difficult with my student loan payments and all of the other expenses that have cropped up - car insurance payment, ect...
I also have to get my car repaired and I have been trying to update my wardrobe for the spring since I have gotten rid of so many clothes or don't love what is in my closet anymore. I'm also trying to figure out how I am going to get another job. I hate the prospect of having to put myself out there but another year of being sick and stressed out all of the time doesn't look appealing to me.
So, with all of that I have decided that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and I am making slow changes to improve my diet. I have been blending up smoothies (I had one this morning) and I also made a big pot of chicken soup. It is sooooooo good! I know for a fact that my home cooking is much better for my body than eating out. I know that I am using quality ingredients and I am not over salting my food like they often do in restaurants. The desire to cook at home often dies down in the summer but I can do salads, etc. I just know that I have to lose weight and I have to improve my health. I also suspect that the air quality at work is not ideal since other coworkers have also been complaining about respiratory issues as well. I think that once I am able to breathe, drop a few pounds, and keep my energy up I will be motivated to go out and exercise. It is a gorgeous day today but it is chilly so I doubt I will head out. Plus I don't want to overdo it since yesterday was the first day I felt good so I cleaned, did laundry, and ran a lot of errands. It kind of wore me out. I have a couple more errands to run today right after I finish this post and balance my budget. Looking forward to spring finally arriving. Stocking up on my allergy meds so I don't have a second round of bronchitis.
I seem to think that there is a spiritual connection to the congestion. I can't fully explain it right now but there has to be more to this. I feel like every area of my life is congested - my finances, my health, my career, my relationships, etc. I know that a blessing is on the way. I just need to figure out how to manifest what I desire. Been trying to do the Oprah/Deepak meditation series but having trouble concentrating. Trying to add daily devotionals but can't focus. Honestly, I just want to travel. I want to see the rest of the world and take photographs, and write about my experiences. I live a comfortable life and I am not complaining at all. I've wanted this life for so long. But I want more. I want to explore. I don't pursue any of my passions any more and that leaves me empty. I mean, I'm not walking around here like Sad Sack but I want to feel passionate about beauty. I don't know. I guess I am just rambling at this point. Maybe I will work on my vision board for an hour or two today while listening to something motivational.
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