Going through changes

Listening to Ledisi's "Going through Changes" as I type this Sunday afternoon. I'm on vacation and I swear it is the only time I ever feel like I am a real person. Going through the motions day by day wears on me. I get into these patterns and habits that are are smothering me. It's not until I stop and take a look at myself that I realize how much I tend to neglect myself for the sake of my job. It's not healthy. It's not emotionally or physically healthy. I spend my vacations regrouping only to fall back into those patterns. I'll eat better, rediscover my passions, get lots of sleep only to fall back into the same cycle. When it seems that I am able to stay the course then a wrench always get thrown into the mix. I need to start having contingency plans. Number one is restoring my health and well-being. Protecting myself emotionally from adult bullies is also high on the list. I didn't appreciate the fact that I am less than week from going on vacation with a too do list up the woo-ha and no assistant to help cross items off the list and having people dump stuff in my lap at the last minute because they wanted to start their vacation. WTH? Really? Then have the nerve to send an email while I am on vacation saying that they keep misplacing my emails about another matter and asking for justification for the request followed up with so how is it going with you doing what should have been my job that I dumped in your lap? Man, listen! So I have casually been job hunting. But not doing what I do. I need to do something else. While it is my plan to stay put for another year to get the car paid off and get financially back in a good place I am so through. I made a commitment to put forth 110% last year and I did. I don't feel it was appreciated. I don't do what I do for the recognition, but I am a human and I need something to keep me motivated. Otherwise I feel like I do now...like I am spinning my wheels and going through the motions. This is life. Everyone goes through it, but I want more from my life. I always have.

This is what I wanted to blog about at all, but hey may as well get it off my chest. I will write a separate blog about everything else that has been happening.