Intro.spection

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Forgive me for posting so many "place holders" lately. I have been meaning to post "real" entries and I even have some tucked away waiting to be published but I am in the process of doing some self-examination and internal housekeeping. There are some changes on the horizon. I am prepared to deal with them as I always have but I've needed to reflect on the past few months to figure out how I wound up in my current predicament and how to not find myself here again. Upon examination I realized that it was to be expected. A storm has been brewing for a while and it finally hit landfall. I've been clear about what I've wanted for a long time. Three years ago I wrote the following:

I am discovering so much about what I value in a man. Someone who respects woman and honors us. Someone who knows himself well enough to admit his weaknesses. Smart and intelligent, yet humble enough to admit when he is wrong.
Sensitive, caring, romantic, resourceful, understanding, spiritual, funny, playful, respectful with strong values, family-oriented, ambitious, amiable and secure. Someone who will love me unconditionally and will be only mine to love. I need to know that I am the only woman on your mind. I need to feel secure that you will be with me only in intimate times.

I guess the bottom line is that I wanted a man who could offer me security. I suffered a lot of personal losses over the past ten years and even before that I had abandonment issues that stemmed from my childhood. As I now review my criteria for a relationship, I would have to say that they are all still characteristics that I look for in a man. I would probably add to the list the following: selfless, generous, courteous, kind, appreciative, loving, expressive, creative, attentive and affectionate.

Some people might say that it is a lot to ask for but I know it is possible with the right person and at the right time. I have no doubt that he is already waiting for me on the horizon, so I have no need to mourn what was lost since it was never mine to keep in the first place.

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