Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

I woke up feeling rested but lazy as hell. It's as if my body realizes that it is Saturday even though I have been off work since Wednesday of last week. I've woken up productive on each day but today. Today I am straight up lazy. I need to focus on cleaning and planning out my week. I want to clean then decorate for the holidays. I am so happy to be in a functional frame of mind. I haven't experienced this in a while. I do the best I can. I guess I really didn't realize that my depression is as severe as it is...perspective, right?  And it's not to say that I am not still depressed...just not as deeply depressed I guess. I try to remain functional because I have no other choice. God knows if I had the option I would be curled up under a blanket sleeping the day away otherwise. But I have a cat to feed and bills to pay so here I am. I wonder if depression gets harder to manage as you get older. I know that hiding it gets harder. I do the best that I can. I lov...

You all know I have been struggling with reaching optimal health for years now. I knew that I would reach a point where I would get a wake up call that it is time to take my health and wellness seriously. Well, today I got that wake up call. My doctor's office called and informed me that Houston there is a problem. It is something that I could have prevented (of course) and something that I'm sure I can reverse. It is time for me to stop bullshitting and to take my health seriously. Here is the thing though, had I not left my last job I would be in worse shape than I am now and I honestly think I would have died. I was under so much stress that I wouldn't have gotten my shit together to even face my health issues until a crisis arose. While I am disappointed in myself that I allowed my health to reach this stage, I am proud of myself that I was proactive enough to seek out help before it reached a crisis stage. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me to get healthy again bu...

I love the holidays. Even thought I haven't spent them with family in years I find the time alone peaceful and purposeful. I was so tired. I have been working so hard and to finally have time to stop and catch my breath has been wonderful. I woke up feeling refreshed after sleeping in this morning. Forgetting that feeling of being harshly judged about my past life. This is the life that I was given and I think I have done a damn good job of overcoming a lot of the obstacles I have faced. Shit, at this point I am lucky to have made it this far. And yes, others have suffered far worst than I have, but we do what we can to survive. I am at a point in my life where I am attempting to shift from surviving to thriving. Yes, I've been saying this for years. It has been a slow shift. A small change here, another there, and finally I can start making bigger more impactful changes if God is willing. I am willing to do the work if God allows me to keep going and growing.

For me every day is thanksgiving. I have learned over the years to be grateful for everything...even the smallest of blessings. I can' honestly remember the last time I have celebrated Thanksgiving. Probably since before I left New York I have spent it alone. Resting, recuperating, and reflecting. It was so peaceful today to just relax and not be on a time schedule. I loved it. I had a rough day yesterday. I went to doctor's office for a physical and decided to address some issues that have been lingering but I haven't dealt with because I haven't had the mental capacity to do so in recent years. While it triggered me it didn't send me into a deep depression as it would have done in years past. Growth? In any event it was a kick in the ass to step my shit up and live in a way that is going to keep me on the earth longer. I've got to step out fear and allow myself to do what is best for me. Stay tuned. Currently vibing to...

💏 https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?utm_source=The+Daily+Good&utm_campaign=b01c06ffda-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2018_11_01_10_07&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_cfbed2f865-b01c06ffda-145574257&fbclid=IwAR0cDNWkbCbz8kFLugUoW3wzi-C7SMe3wC1wPiuudftSosRIAeCvnsPd_zg

It is November.  The temperature was below freezing this morning. I woke up early but went back to bed and slept the day away. I was tired even though I had time off last week. I am hoping that things begin to calm down at work as we move into the holiday season. I can hope at least. Looking forward to having time off to regroup. Once I get my first evaluation completed I will be able to breath easier. Other than that I am in a good place mentally and while I want to be in a better place physically I am surviving. Hard to believe that Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Crazy. Then Christmas. Tomorrow I will get up and work all day. I have a long to do list of things to do for work and personal affairs. I cleaned on Election Day so I just need to get my laundry done and bits and bobs. My life is definitely more together now than it has been in years. I can't remember when I was so organized and together. I guess purging had a lot to do with it. Making space for new blessin...

Hey y'all! Another bullet point post for ya! There are two months until the end of the year. I looked for cheap fares to fly to New Mexico, Puerto Rico, and Cuba but didn't find anything...yet. One of the fucked up things about my new job is the fact that I don't get as many days off. Unless I find a deal with another airline I probably won't be going on a nice vacation before the end of the year.  My ex-boyfriend's mother died. I was with him for 4-5 years and my mother thought we had eloped at one point in our relationship so we were practically married. He is also the only man I got pregnant for so I guess we have a special bond. His mom was practically my mother in law. I am so sad for him. She was so young and vibrant in my mind. That is how I will remember her.  I took a sick day on Friday. I want to take another tomorrow but I am forcing myself to go back to work so I don't fall into bad habits. There is a weird dynamic on my job that I am uncomfo...