Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

dark phrases of womanhood of never havin been a girl half-notes scattered without rhythm/no tune distraught laughter fallin over a black girl’s shoulder it’s funny/it’s hysterical the melody-less-ness of her dance don’t tell nobody don’t tell a soul she’s dancin on beer cans & shingles / Ntozake Shange I almost abandoned this blog. Again. At what point does this story end?  Recycled tales of happiness found then lost. Injustice. Indignation. Disrespect. Bad timing. You name it, it has found it's way here.  Today, I want to talk about my future. I am so excited about what's in store. What is it, you ask?  I don't know. But I know it is going to be something amazing. How do you know, you ask? Because I can feel it in my heart, feel it in my soul. I am learning how to navigate this spiritual journey in a way that feels comfortable and comforting. I know that I do not have to be a victim. That I can maintain control and that I have choices.  So back to these p...

Good Afternoon World, My name is Blackberry Freshabella and I am happy. Is my life perfect? Far from it. But I maintain the peace that passes all understanding. God has blessed me over and over again. I am learning to be patient. I am growing in my faith as God continues to come through for me. I am learning to trust. Trust. Something that I have struggled with my entire life after being let down repeatedly as a child. After having my trust betrayed by those who were entrusted to care for me. I am learning to peel away the childhood abuse, like layers on an onion. I am investing in my own well-being. I am claiming my joy. I have decided that I am going to trust the Lord as I transition out of my career. I have been watching videos of people who have taken the leap of faith and do not regret it at all. One girl said it perfectly...God lead her to that career which lead her to her current location, but it was not her final destination. I kept thinking that because God had called me...

While reading one of the many self-help/personal growth books that I have been reviewing, I came upon a passage that spoke about being shaped by what you wanted to be when you grew up. Well, I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Whenever I would say what I wanted to be I was told that no, I didn't want to be that because I wanted to be (insert something else here.) Eventually I reached a point where I stopped wanting to be anything so I wouldn't be told that what I wanted to be was wrong. Whenever someone would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I simply shrugged my shoulders and said, "I don't know." That was my go to for many years. Finally when I was around 14, the work study program I was involved in invited a meteorologist to speak to us about her career. She was glamorous and charismatic and I instantly knew that I wanted to work in TV at that moment. From that day forward I set my sights on making that happen. Sadly, this same person who ...

Good Morning, I know it has been a while. Is anyone out there <echo, echo, echo>? [Blink if you are reading this.] Happy Earth Day! I've been a bit stressed out (what's new?) I have been on vacation all of this week and it was very much needed. I have been running on E for a while, both physically and emotionally. Things haven't improved at work so I have been job hunting. I currently have a few plans in place: Plan A: Stay at my current job for the next year to see if I can finally get my finances in order. Plan B: Change to a job nearby that will result in a pay cut. Plan C: I haven't figured it out yet. I am also dealing with an ailing cat. My baby is dealing with health issues, but she is being uncooperative about going to the vet. So, I have been making sure she is a comfortable as possible and that I try to stay close to home. Therefore, I haven't been anywhere in a while. But, during my time off I have been introspective. I had a stack of ...

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle. 2. For each question, press the next button to get your next answer. 3. You must write that song name down no matter how outrageous it sounds! 4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the game as well as the person you got the note from IF SOMEONE SAYS, “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY? Ama Be Happy - ArchDuke WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? If your girl were humble - Aliyah mix WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? PYT - Michael Jackson WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? Butterfly WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? Have Mercy on Me - Jengi Beats WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? What about it WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? Cold Outside WHAT IS 2+2? Spaceship Number 9 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Honey - Erykah Badu WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Good Morning - Lakey Inspired WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Up 2 U - Jafunk and the Ninth Floor Funk Apt. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Blue Eye Stone - Zuper WHAT DO YOU THINK WH...

I didn't do anything to prep for the week ahead. I don't get off for vacation until the 22nd so I have to work all of this week and half of next week. Yesterday I woke up feeling refreshed. I got up and left the house before noon to run errands. I literally spent 12 hours out of the house. I was sore since I hadn't had a massage in ages and I had been running around all day so I got a massage. If anything the massage the made me feel worse. Today when I woke up I felt like crap. I felt like crap all day. I went to get another massage and it definitely helped. I hate missing my regular massages because this is what happens. Hopefully I can keep a regular schedule from now on. Anyhow, it was around 3 when I finally peeled myself up from my bed to go for the massage so I haven't done anything and my apartment is a wreck. I hope I get a boost of energy next week so I can clean up and cook. I will try to get to the grocery store tomorrow. I am thinking of preparing stu...