Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

After 17 years I still cry for Mommy. Holidays are hard.

My week of writing has come to an end. I have really enjoyed the opportunity to spend an entire week of living and breathing taking photos and writing from the time I awake until I close my eyes at night. As I continue to uncover my Chazown, it is apparent that my passions have always leaned towards creating. Creating images through words, pictures, and song. Once upon a time I was bold enough to pursue my passions. Somewhere along the way I got off track.

...and if anyone has perspective, they do! Nola to New York Tumblr

I've been quiet. Well, not really, but sort of. You see, despite the devastation that some faced during Hurricane Sandy we were spared up this way. Yet, we had the entire week off from work as the city tried to get transportation back on track (excuse the pun). So, I have spent this week resting, reflecting, and writing. Considering how each day for the past two months has been a daily deluge of putting out fires, it was a well deserved though unexpected vacation. This isn't to take away from those who have lost their possession and in some cases family members, but this rest was very much needed as we prepare to head into the chaos that is the holiday season. I know some will judge me, but I can't feel guilty about needing to take a break from the daily drama and struggle that is my life. I also can't feel guilty for saying enough is enough when it comes to the constant image of suffering that is being broadcast on every station. I refuse to allow myself to be so s...

Perhaps I was already feeling it. Perhaps the emotional response to the movie, but I am ready to throw it all up in the air to be free. Not free like Will Smith's character, but free from the day-to-day B.S. that I have to deal with. It was really awakened when one of my charges lost her father. I attended the funeral and it brought back all of those emotions I had safely tucked away.  For some reason I decided to 'google' my mom and brother - just to see what came up. Both of their grave sites popped up. I have never been to Mommy's grave site since after the funeral she was shipped across the country by my now deceased uncle. I have not visited my brother's grave site since I left L.A. I used to visit it regularly while I lived there and even had flowers delivered every holiday for the first couple of years. I am so disconnected until I feel like I need to drop everything and just go. I was so angry when I realized that I will likely not get married. I w...

I have been think about how I will make my escape. A travel blogger suggested that you be clear about where you will go when you start your journey. I could see my journey starting at home. In S.F.  Then maybe going to D.C. and onward to where life leads me. I am so ready to walk away from everything and rediscover that exhileration of what it felt like when I moved to a new place. Sometimes I think I will just move to L.A. and set up shop there. I am just so ready to get out of NY and and go somewhere where the sun shines and people are friendly.  Where your dollar stretches farther and where I can see myself living a complete life.