Blessings, affirmations, grace, and reflection

Yesterday, I cried. I came home, went straight to my room, sat on the edge of my bed, kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra, and I had myself a good cry. I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale. I cried until my ears were hot. I cried until my head was hurting so bad that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet. I want you to understand, I had myself a really good cry yesterday. Yesterday, I cried, for all the days that I was too busy, or too tired, or too mad to cry. I cried for all the days, and all the ways, and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected, and disconnected my Self from myself, only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others did to me the same things I had already done to myself. I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen; for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up; for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them away, to...

"So de white man throw down de load and tell de nigger man tuh pick it up. . . . He hand it to his womenfolks. De nigger woman is de mule uh de world so fur as Ah can see." (Zora Neale Hurston - Their Eyes Were Watchin God)

The Strong Black Woman is Dead On August 15, 1999, at 11:55 p.m., while struggling with the reality of being a human instead of a myth, the strong black woman passed away. Medical sources say she died of natural causes, but those who knew her know she died from being silent when she should have been screaming, milling when she should have been raging, from being sick and not wanting anyone to know because her pain might inconvenience them. She died from an overdose of other people clinging to her when she didn't even have energy for herself. She died from loving men who didn't love themselves and could only offer her a crippled reflection. She died from raising children alone and for not being able to do a complete job. She died from the lies her grandmother told her mother and her mother told her about life, men & racism. She died from being sexually abused as a child and having to take that truth everywhere she went every day of her life, exchanging the humiliation for g...

My soul has been uneasy all week. I've had these words running through my head all week long.   ...don't tell nobody/don't tell a soul/she's dancing on beer cans & singles/this must be the spook house/another song with no singers/lyrics/no voices & interrrupted solos/unseen performances. It is from the opening act of For Colored Girls called "Dark Phrases."  It is one of my favorite verses from the play. Every time I read it I weep because it touches my spirit deeply. I am crying now. Feeling the burden of carrying the world on my back. Feeling the weight of my ancestor's burdens falling on my shoulders. Wondering why I do what I do and how much longer I an carry that burden. Mourning my lost childhood that was literally stolen from me. Wondering how I can even attempt to heal the world when I have not been fully healed myself. Tears streaming down my face....my neck...my chest.  Sobs catching in my throat. Eyes blinded by tears. Moved. I haven...

It's Saturday...I slept in, have my cup of coffee, and should be relaxing. Right? Wrong! Instead I am trying to get my mind 'right' so I can crank out these reports that were due yesterday, but will probably get completed by Monday. Granted it is my fault for procrastinating. I did not realize how time intensive and comprehensive these reports would be. The last time I did them they were in a different format and I was able to knock them out with a quick one two punch. I have several issues. One is that something has changed at work and though everyone knows it is a problem that I have dealing with as best I can, it is getting to a point where I can't deal with the problem and still do my job effectively. This means I have to give the bosses an ultimatum (so to speak) letting them know something has got to give. Myself and my assistant can't keep working under the conditions we are working under and be expected to do our best work. Sometimes you have to look out...

Have a blessed day! God is so good!